Half-term already!

I'm relieved to say that B.'s still enjoying her pre-school. That's to say, she likes it once she's there. Before we leave the house she likes to protest; some days more strongly than others.

However she is feeling about the prospect of going, she has two stock phrases that she always employs once she realises that we're going:

"I don't want to go to school", this is usually followed by a little cry, and
"I'll miss you at school", which is quite sweet really, (or at least it is the first few times you hear it!)

Sometimes these utterances are said with strength and feeling and are followed by very dramatic tantrums in which she refuses to have her trousers/socks/shoes/coat put on, other times they are said half-heartedly without emotion - as if she feels she has to say them just out of duty.

Once we arrive at the pre-school she is usually excited to see her friends (as the other children have now thankfully become) as well as the toys, and she is immediately upbeat. This makes me so happy, as I get the feeling now that she sees it as "her" school, and she feels that she belongs there.

Then there is usually a moment after I say goodbye to her when she lets out a cry. Sometimes it is big and dramatic, sometimes it is brief and weak; often she will stop mid-cry as she sees an interesting toy or activity that distracts her! And occasionally she doesn't cry at all. The funny thing is that she tells me before-hand whether or not she's going to cry. She decides this before we even leave the house. "I will cry at school" or "I'm not going to cry today". And she always sticks to her word.

Then when I go to pick her up I find a completely over-excited child, desperate to show me the lovely artwork, collage or cake that she's made, and tell me about what her friends have been up to. This makes me realise that pre-school was definitely right for her, despite the slow start.

Then, just as she's settled and happy, it's suddenly half-term already! I'm sure that half-terms didn't used to come around so quickly when I was at school..

This will be a busy week. We have lots of plans, mainly involving other small people. So far this week we've seen some family and friends, and we've started potty-training! (More of that in my next post).

Today we had three friends over with six children between us. B. and her friends are at the stage now where they all want to play with whatever toys the others are playing with, and there is no room for compromise! So our get-togethers are not quite as relaxing as they once were, and we take it in turns to break up the fights! What's more our house now looks like a war-zone; the fallout from a war that used cake and biscuit bombs as the main weapons of choice..

The front room floor is covered in Lego, puzzle pieces and ground-in crumbs, there are spills on the carpet, chalk drawings on the wallpaper, and all manner of strange things in improbable places - some of which may take weeks to find.

And I know that I should be cleaning it all up. But I'm feeling a little exhausted and rather shell-shocked. And so instead I am flopped in a chair with a strong cup of tea and a chocolate cupcake, listening to a selection of my favourite music (via myLot.com), and praying that B.'s nap will be a long one.

Settling my child into preschool

Well, we've started preschool! And I'm not using the strange third-person version of the word "we" that parents often use to refer to something that their child has done; like "we're eating solids now", "we don't like carrots", or "we're scared of tomatoes".

I'm using the first-person plural, and it's very much plural; you see for the past three weeks I've been going too!

I had overestimated B.'s ability to settle in, and stay by herself. Up until now she's been with me practically all the time, and so it was maybe a bit naive of me to expect her to happily substitute me for a group of random strangers. Contrary to my expectations, the lure of the toys, play dough, painting, dressing up, sticky bricks, trains, snack time and playing with other children didn't compensate for my company. (Of course, part of me is flattered about this! But the other, more sensible part knows that it would be good for her to learn to become a little more independent).

Putting myself in her little shoes, I can see why she got upset when I tried to leave. She was one of the only new children in quite an established group; it is difficult to make friends when everybody else knows one another and you're the "new girl". And imagine how much harder and scarier this is when you're just two and a half year's old, and with social skills to match!

The preschool is happy for parents to stay in the beginning so that the children get used to the play leaders, the other children and the surroundings. So I took advantage of this and stayed. And stayed. I actually started to enjoy myself there, playing with and reading to the children; getting to know B.'s prospective friends. Then gradually merging more into the background; sitting quietly in the corner reading a book and helping out in the kitchen; giving B. the reassurance of me being there, but not being in her face.

After a few weeks, B. gradually started to play (without needing encouragement from me), and her enthusiasm for play dough, painting and sticking began to shine through! She was no longer constantly checking to see that I was still there, and she was interacting with the other children. And so I decided with the play leaders that it was time for me to try to leave again.

My Plan of Action

-First of all I just left for quarter of an hour; just enough time to walk round the block!
-The second day, I left for half and hour. I went to the shop to buy some reward chocolate (for B.) and some sea salt and vinegar crisps (for me!)
-The next day, (yesterday) I left for an hour, just enough time for me to renew our (overdue) library books, sit and read for a bit and do some people watching!
-And today, I'm at home filling my two hours sitting at my computer.

Each time I leave her she cries, (which is horrible), but she apparently stops shortly afterwards. Today I found it particularly difficult to leave her as the play leader said that I should just drop her and disappear. No big goodbyes. Well, I wasn't planning a big goodbye; after all she wasn't joining the army! But I would have felt cruel to leave without telling her I was going; it sounds a bit dramatic, but I would feel a bit like I was abandoning her.

So against teacher's wishes I said a quick goodbye. She wasn't too happy with me and practically bundled me out of the door, which upset me quite a bit. Especially as their manual says "Do say goodbye to your child before leaving. It might be frightening for them to suddenly realise that you've suddenly disappeared".

So walking home, I wasn't very happy. And I think this compounded the kind of empty feeling I got when I arrived home to my empty house. It sounds stupid, but I've really missed her during these one and a half hours (so far!). It's made me realise how horrible it must feel for her when I first leave her each time. And I've been wondering things like, did we make the right choice sending her to preschool so young? After all, she'll be in the school system for at least the next 14 years of her life... Shouldn't we be taking advantage of this time when I don't have to send her to school???

But when she's there she does enjoy it. And she'll learn so many new things, including how to make friends! And as time goes on I'm sure that I'll get used to her being there, just like she's getting used to it herself. So I won't take her out of preschool just yet. I'll give it a chance...

Update... Well, when I went to collect B. I was surprised to find a happy, laughing child, full of exciting things to tell me, and holding hands with a cheeky little friend! What do you know, she'd had a great time without me! Despite earlier feeling flattered that she wanted me with her, I now felt very happy to know that she'd had such a good time while I was away.

It's right that she should have lots of fun in her little world, and it feels absolutely right that it's now her world and not mine. She's staying for the whole three hours on Monday!

My baby's growing up!

We've been having a good week so far as the weather's been so lovely and sunny! Even though it's the middle of July I say this with some surprise, as it's been a very variable summer so far.

We've been spending lots of time in the garden, and although B.'s been falling off her slide quite a bit (!) she's been having lots of fun.

Yesterday her friend came round and they amused themselves by picking blackberries and stuffing them into eachothers' mouths. Then they strolled around the garden hand-in-hand, like the perfect little couple. Oh, the joys of being two and a half!

We also went to one of our regular toddler groups yesterday. They've recently introduced activity tables, and this week's activities were jigsaw puzzles and playdough. It's so nice when B. can engage in messy play somewhere other than in our house! Sadly, this was the last week before the summer break and this group closes down just like the schools do. What will we do on Tuesday mornings for the next six weeks?

After toddler group we visited our local pre-school. We'd applied for B. to start there next term, and they confirmed that she's got a place, which is good news. She's really ready for this; she's a bright and very sociable child and she's never happier than when she's playing with other children. What's more, each time we've visited the pre-school she's managed to somehow merge into the class and become one of them, even when I only popped in for a minute to hand in our form. I'd just turned my back for a moment, and then there she was, sitting on a little chair amongst the other children, waiting for snack-time! She was absolutely distraught when I tried to get her to leave, and wouldn't accept that we were just visiting.

All of this gives me confidence that she'll love it there and that she'll fit in well - and she's already been accepted by the other children, which is a good sign! And I know it's the right thing to do, but now it's definite that she has a place, I'm starting to get pangs of doubt...

She's been with me almost every day for the past two and a half years, (more, if you count the time that she spent inside of me!). She's been my constant companion; a small, entertaining and loveable companion, and I'll miss her and her funny little ways. Oh, I know it's only three mornings a week, but at the moment that seems like a big thing; it's the start of her school career, there's no going back - and it means that she's growing up! Well, you can see that starting pre-school is going to be much harder on me than on her, which, I suppose is how it should be...

In my more sensible, mature moments I tell myself that it's the right thing for both of us; she'll have fun with her friends, learn all sorts of new things, and have a riot; and I'll have some time on my hands.

Some people, who have been to my house, have suggested that I could usefully spend this time doing a little housework. But they're being mean! And to be honest, I'm not really a housework sort of woman! There are better things to do. And besides, I often feel the need to re-discover the part of my life that doesn't involve childcare, and for a while now I've been longing make some money again. I know that two and a half hours, three days a week won't give me a great opportunity to do this, but if I can find something to do from home then maybe it would be possible.

I should see this as an adventure for both of us. (And stop being so dramatic!)