Settling my child into preschool

Well, we've started preschool! And I'm not using the strange third-person version of the word "we" that parents often use to refer to something that their child has done; like "we're eating solids now", "we don't like carrots", or "we're scared of tomatoes".

I'm using the first-person plural, and it's very much plural; you see for the past three weeks I've been going too!

I had overestimated B.'s ability to settle in, and stay by herself. Up until now she's been with me practically all the time, and so it was maybe a bit naive of me to expect her to happily substitute me for a group of random strangers. Contrary to my expectations, the lure of the toys, play dough, painting, dressing up, sticky bricks, trains, snack time and playing with other children didn't compensate for my company. (Of course, part of me is flattered about this! But the other, more sensible part knows that it would be good for her to learn to become a little more independent).

Putting myself in her little shoes, I can see why she got upset when I tried to leave. She was one of the only new children in quite an established group; it is difficult to make friends when everybody else knows one another and you're the "new girl". And imagine how much harder and scarier this is when you're just two and a half year's old, and with social skills to match!

The preschool is happy for parents to stay in the beginning so that the children get used to the play leaders, the other children and the surroundings. So I took advantage of this and stayed. And stayed. I actually started to enjoy myself there, playing with and reading to the children; getting to know B.'s prospective friends. Then gradually merging more into the background; sitting quietly in the corner reading a book and helping out in the kitchen; giving B. the reassurance of me being there, but not being in her face.

After a few weeks, B. gradually started to play (without needing encouragement from me), and her enthusiasm for play dough, painting and sticking began to shine through! She was no longer constantly checking to see that I was still there, and she was interacting with the other children. And so I decided with the play leaders that it was time for me to try to leave again.

My Plan of Action

-First of all I just left for quarter of an hour; just enough time to walk round the block!
-The second day, I left for half and hour. I went to the shop to buy some reward chocolate (for B.) and some sea salt and vinegar crisps (for me!)
-The next day, (yesterday) I left for an hour, just enough time for me to renew our (overdue) library books, sit and read for a bit and do some people watching!
-And today, I'm at home filling my two hours sitting at my computer.

Each time I leave her she cries, (which is horrible), but she apparently stops shortly afterwards. Today I found it particularly difficult to leave her as the play leader said that I should just drop her and disappear. No big goodbyes. Well, I wasn't planning a big goodbye; after all she wasn't joining the army! But I would have felt cruel to leave without telling her I was going; it sounds a bit dramatic, but I would feel a bit like I was abandoning her.

So against teacher's wishes I said a quick goodbye. She wasn't too happy with me and practically bundled me out of the door, which upset me quite a bit. Especially as their manual says "Do say goodbye to your child before leaving. It might be frightening for them to suddenly realise that you've suddenly disappeared".

So walking home, I wasn't very happy. And I think this compounded the kind of empty feeling I got when I arrived home to my empty house. It sounds stupid, but I've really missed her during these one and a half hours (so far!). It's made me realise how horrible it must feel for her when I first leave her each time. And I've been wondering things like, did we make the right choice sending her to preschool so young? After all, she'll be in the school system for at least the next 14 years of her life... Shouldn't we be taking advantage of this time when I don't have to send her to school???

But when she's there she does enjoy it. And she'll learn so many new things, including how to make friends! And as time goes on I'm sure that I'll get used to her being there, just like she's getting used to it herself. So I won't take her out of preschool just yet. I'll give it a chance...

Update... Well, when I went to collect B. I was surprised to find a happy, laughing child, full of exciting things to tell me, and holding hands with a cheeky little friend! What do you know, she'd had a great time without me! Despite earlier feeling flattered that she wanted me with her, I now felt very happy to know that she'd had such a good time while I was away.

It's right that she should have lots of fun in her little world, and it feels absolutely right that it's now her world and not mine. She's staying for the whole three hours on Monday!