My taste of life as a stay-at-home "working" mum

The last few weeks have been a bit busy, hence my lack of blog updating. I've been having a taster of what it would be like to work at home (albeit part-time), with a two-year old in tow.

And I've really enjoyed the experience of working again and getting my teeth into something, but it has involved a fair amount of juggling!

My short working stint is for an online volunteering project through the UN Online Volunteering Service. I'd been lurking on their projects database for a while thinking that I'd really quite like to do some of them, but I didn't have the confidence to apply; - not working for a couple of years seems to do that to you! But then in a moment of inspiration (or perhaps sheer madness), I decided to apply for an interesting sounding internet research project, which was vaguely in my area of work.

The job brief said that it was for 6-10 hours per week, which I thought would be easily doable as B. still naps for two hours a day, and goes to bed before 9pm. However, the volume of work has turned out to be a lot more than this. This is perhaps because my project involves compiling research contacts for a UK region, and I chose London because it's the region that I know best. However, I didn't really think this through, considering the fact that London is the busiest region for research!

So I have been scouring research centre websites at all hours of the day and night in an effort to meet my deadline. And I've been finding it a bit exhausting really. But it's boosted my self-esteem to be doing some (non-mum) work, I've really enjoyed working as part of a team, and it's also been quite an inspiring experience which has (unexpectedly) led me to consider doing another degree! (Anthropology and Sociology at SOAS is my current department of choice!)

But, you're probably asking yourself, what have I been doing with B. while working these long hours? Well, that's the question I'd definitely be asking by this point!

Well, our days are panning out like this:

Our Working Day!

We get up and have breakfast. I do some work while eating breakfast, and B. watches CBeebies (as is her normal morning custom!)

Then until nap time she watches some more television, which I know isn't ideal, but she also plays with her toys, jumps on her bed, sticks stickers on things (walls, tables, clothes, me), draws, paints, converses with her stuffed toys, and invents new activities to keep herself busy! I obviously want to be pretty flexible when she's awake. Although I need to get the work done, she is my priority, so I stop working for all sorts of things; nappy changes and meals, short walks, the occasional friend visit, Friday toddler group, and, of course, cuddles!. But I've been leaving her to amuse herself quite a bit. And she's adapted to it remarkably well!

When nap time comes I work like crazy, and then by the time she's woken up I need a break. So we eat lunch together, then go in the garden or out for a walk. I try to get a bit more work done in the afternoon so long as she's happy amusing herself, and then before long it's supper time, bed for B. - and more work for me!

Well, despite being knackering it's kind of working out ok, and it's giving me a taste of what it would be like to live this slightly different stay-at-home lifestyle. What I don't like about it is not being able to give B. as much attention as I usually do, and that I've found myself snapping at her when I'm trying to do too many things at once. We're also not going out as much as we usually do, which is sometimes making us both a bit stir-crazy.


So I would need to ensure that any future working-from-home job didn't require such crazy hours, otherwise I would end up permanently frazzled (and probably wired up to a caffeine drip), and B. would probably become totally self-sufficient before she was three, and completely detached from the outside world...

I do want to do some more online volunteering; I love being able to do something useful (besides being a full-time mum of course!) But for the sake of both of our sanities, I'm going to wait until B.'s settled in pre-school before I attempt another project. And who knows, maybe it will lead to a new career, (...or even that PhD from SOAS!)

Lifestyles

Two things happened this week to make me realise just how much my life has changed since becoming a mum and living my stay-at-home lifestyle. Getting together with other mums, I noticed just how much of a typical stay-at-homer I am; and meeting up with an old friend, still living the free and single lifestyle, reinforced this even more.

To combat the lack of toddler activities during the summer holidays some friends and I have started to do coffee mornings. Three or four of us take it in turns to have the others round to our house. The children get to play together, and we mums get to chat, (and of course drink coffee). Even though four toddlers (plus a couple of newborns) can be noisy and all sorts of territorial disputes inevitably arise, for the adults these mornings are surprisingly stress-free and calming. The multiple-mums somehow absorb most of the shared stress, and these are relaxing times!

Talking to each other and visiting other peoples' homes like this makes us realise just how similar our lives are and how much we have in common. It's reassuring to know that all of our two-year olds are behaving in similarly unbalanced and cranky ways at the moment. But the similarities don't end there; we cook the same kinds of food, have similar daily routines, have similar outlooks on life; - even our political views are much of a muchness. It hits us that we're very much living a lifestyle.

The previous evening I'd been out to meet my friend for a drink. We hadn't been in touch for seven years, and I'd got back in touch with her by sending her a "buzz" on Friends Reunited. I'm never sure about the wisdom of reuniting with old friends, after all people lose touch for a reason, whether it be as a result of a major dispute or just having drifted apart. Either way, if your friendship wasn't working out then, or you didn't feel the need to do whatever it took to save it, then shouldn't you just leave it be? Well, ignoring my doubts I buzzed, we got back in touch and we met up in Covent Garden.

Although I used to work near Covent Garden, not having been there for a few years made it seem like a whole new experience; the crowds, the tourists, the noise; and it felt strange to me that most people there were adults in their 20's, 30's or 40's. And not a child in site!

We managed to find a nice quiet pub called the Round Table. My friend works for a large, American company, she has her own flat, has lots of friends and goes out drinking and partying several nights a week. She's looking well on it, and she seems happy. And very youthful. While parenthood seems to have taken its toll on me, the past seven years don't seem to have altered her much! We talk about old times, and try hard to remember some very hazy ones from our twenties (memories made hazy not just by time, but by the cheap vodka that we had been drinking at the time). When we first met we had both just graduated from university, and we were totally free of commitment, ties, work or duty of any kind. They were amazing and magical times, and every day was an adventure.

My friend seemed horrified that this was my first evening out in about a year, and I was amazed that this was her fifth night out in as many nights. Our lives now are very different; mine is full of coffee mornings, playgroups, toddler tantums and Yo Gabba Gabba, while hers, the life of a London career-girl, is full of late nights, morning meetings, dating and exotic holidays. She works hard and plays hard, while I don't "work" as such, but play an awful lot!

While we both envy certain aspects of the other's life, we know that swapping would cause us both major shockwaves. We are both where the other would be if we had taken different paths, which is a sobering thought... Not that I needed much sobering up after my night on the town. I haven't drank for so long that I didn't even manage to finish my pint!

While I, (the 35 year old me), am happy with my coffee-morning lifestyle and wouldn't change a thing, I'm sure that the me in my twenties would have been horrified at the prospect of turning into me! Given the choice now (in a strange Dr Who-ish time-loop), she would probably go down the London girl path.

Fields of fun

We've had a really good few days. The weather's been a bit unpredictable, so whenever it's stopped raining we've gone out but not ventured too far. One of our favourite destinations has been the local playing fields. There's no playground or pond or cafe, or anything that makes it into a proper park, but B. and I are still big fans as we've found tons of things to do there.

There are three main fields. The first has a football pitch and lots of steep hills. We call this the rolling field. We lie down at the top of a hill and roll all the way down. B. has a stronger constitution to me, and while it often makes me feel quite dizzy and green, she thrives on dizzy and laughs hysterically all the way down!

The second field has a running track and an old long jump site (ie. a sandpit). We spend lots of time running around the track, stopping occasionally to say "ready, steady, GO!". I'm sure getting lots of exercise this way, and B. has so much energy to burn. The sandpit is obviously also a big attraction. One of these days we will remember to take her bucket and spade, but in the meantime she's loving trekking through the sand and just getting dirty. This field is on a slightly lower level than the first, so also has some steps leading down to it with a grassy slope running alongside them. This is the aeroplane slope. We climb up the steps, counting as we go, and then bolt down the slope with our arms outstretched making loud aeroplane noises. The slope is steep, so we go pretty fast and it's really hard to stop. Thank heavens for our imaginary runway!

We call the third field the chicken field. There are no chickens there, but chickens is what B. calls pigeons. There are always plenty of pigeons in this field, and one of her favourite activities is terrorising these poor oblivious birds. When she spots a flock of pigeons, peacefully going about their day, she lets out a loud war-cry of "CHICKENS!!!", and then launches after any who are brave or stupid enough not to have taken this as a warning. Soon there are pigeons fleeing in all directions. I dread to think of what she'd do if ever she caught one...

Then on the way home we count slugs, look to see what's growing on the allotments, and sniff the flowers in peoples' front gardens. Proper parks are always nice, but with a bit of imagination fields can be good too.

Outdoor swimming

Picture copyright to Ruislip Online

We've recently discovered lidos. You don't really come across the word lido much, do you? Especially these days. It means "public outdoor swimming pool and surrounding facilities, or part of a beach where people can swim, lie in the sun or participate in water sports" (Wikipedia).

To me it's an old-fashioned word; it evokes the "olden days", and reminds me of my parents' nostalgic tales of visiting English holiday resorts whose lidos were huge swimming pools built in the sea. In the 1950's and 60's, these places were heaving. I had no idea that lidos still existed, but in the last month I've been told about two which are practically on my doorstep! And there are plenty more throughout the UK (see UK Lidos).

A few weeks ago my husband took B. to Ruislip Lido. It's a beautiful site, with a huge lake (actually a former canal reservoir), a beach, a children's playground and a miniature railway. Sadly you can no longer swim in the reservoir, but there were enough fun things to keep B. happy for half a day. The train ride was a great hit; apparently she didn't stop grinning for the whole time she was on it. And she loves building sandcastles; the fact that she was on the beach, by the sea, (ok reservoir, but she didn't know that!), meant that as far as she was concerned she'd been to the seaside. And when you live in London, to be able to drive to the seaside in half an hour really isn't bad!

Our other local lido is in Finchley. Formerly a 165ft x 80ft outdoor pool with fountains and roman columns, Finchley Lido is now a leisure centre with a complex of indoor pools and a smaller outside pool area. It's set in a popular cinema and restaurant complex off the North Circular, and so also has the makings of a good family day out, (although a different one to the Ruislip experience).

The indoor pool area is bright, warm and inviting. There's a large adult swimming pool, which of course you don't get to try out if it's just you and your child, but it looked good! The children's pool is great fun. The water is lovely and warm, it slopes gradually from no depth at all to around four feet, so it's very easy to get the kids in and out, and there are fountains and a wave machine! Even though we were there during the summer holidays, the pool wasn't uncomfortably crowded, and we managed to do a fair amount of splashing around, playing (and singing too!)

It was B. who spotted that the outdoor pool area was open, and it was she who suggested trying it out. My first reaction was to discourage her enthusiasm; because although it was summer, the weather on this day was veering from slightly cold and windy to rainy. She's not easy to discourage at the best of times. But then I thought, "why not? It'll be fun for us to experience an outdoor swimming pool in London" - it's not often that we get the chance! Well, the outdoor pools aren't heated, so needless to say, it was cold. Watching B.'s face as we tried to adjust to the temperature, I could clearly see the battle that was going on inside her; she stubbornly wanted to stay in the pool, because pools are fun and it's what her two-year old brain was telling her she should do; - yet she also desperately wanted to cry, because she was starting to shiver and feel like an ice cube. We persevered for a while, then decided to return to the welcoming heat inside.

Although nothing like the luxurious art-deco pool of yesteryear, I'm sure that it would be pleasant enough to spend a nice, sunny afternoon by these pools.

I think we both had quite a fun day. B. always loves going swimming, and I felt a sense of achievement at having been in an outdoor pool in the UK! We rounded off the day by visiting MacDonald's and watching the rain through the window...

I'm glad that I found out about lidos; - not that they're some well-kept secret, - but I feel sure that I'm not the only one who's surprised at their continued existence, particularly in this unpredictable climate of ours. It's lovely to know that we've got the option of outdoor swimming and bathing so close to home, and hopefully now that we know about them we'll be using them a whole lot more. At least we will if it stops raining...

Technological breakdown and breastfeeding

We've had a bit of a technological breakdown in our house recently. The internet keeps going down and we're not sure why. The sure-fire way of fixing it, technically known as turning it off and on again has only sometimes been successful, so I haven't been on here too much.

What's more, when we had the front of our house painted the painter moved the Sky dish to paint behind it(!), so there were a couple of days when we didn't have internet or satellite TV! Just imagine!!

Actually it wasn't too bad. While B. was sleeping I managed to finish writing a couple of articles that I'd been trying to do for a while. One of them was a review of breast milk for Reviewstream.com. When the internet came back I posted it and I'm glad to say that it was accepted, which proves their claim that they will accept reviews for anything and everything, just like they say!

I just had to do it; there are so many reviews there for various formulas, and I thought it was important that breast milk also be considered as a choice, and a great one at that!

The International Breastfeeding Symbol

In case I missed out any of the amazing benefits of breast milk, here are a few more. 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child.




Photo credit: 007b.com

My slow-moving library campaign...

Well, my library campaign hasn't been going too well so far. I've sent off my letters and posted on two local mums' websites, but so far I haven't had any replies or seen any evidence that anyone else has complained!

I'm thinking of pinning notices to trees. Lots of people seem to do that round here, whether it's to ask for people to look out for a lost pet, or to advertise things like aerobics classes. What do you think of this idea? (Other than the environmental impact - maybe I'll use tape rather than pins...)

If anyone has any other ideas on how I can let local people know about my "campaign", and encourage them to help save Storytime, please feel free to comment.

Second babies

No, I'm not contemplating my second! But as my daughter is two and a half, we have several friends who have just had their second child. And they all have very similar things to say about the experience:

1. They've all also got a boisterous toddler, so baby no.2 doesn't get as much attention as baby no.1 did.

2. They didn't feel that their lives changed as much after having no.2 as it did the first time around. After the first one your life is turned upside-down and it changes completely. By the time you have no.2 your life has already changed to accommodate a child, so the difference isn't nearly as dramatic.

3. As they've done it before they are much more relaxed as mothers. When their first baby cried they rushed to pick them up immediately, but with the second, they know that no harm will come to them if they let them cry for a little bit - and this is just as well, as there are times when they just have to run after their toddler!

Because of their previous experience they're also less concerned about other things that would have worried them as a first-time mum.

4. They're much more active much sooner after having no.2. With your first child you're a bit scared to leave the house in case they get too cold/too hot/you drop them etc... But with no.2, not only are you more confident, but you need to get out of the house anyway to keep child no.1 busy or take them to pre-school or to their other activities. And staying at home all the time with two kids is probably inadvisable!

5. Because baby no.2 doesn't get as much attention as baby no.1 did, is used to sharing their parents, and probably also because mum is more relaxed, no.2 is a more contented, less demanding, easier baby!

I'm sure lots of people would disagree with these experiences, but this is how it's been for five of my friends. I'm hoping that if one day we do decide to have another baby, then our experiences will be very similar!