Settling my child into preschool

Well, we've started preschool! And I'm not using the strange third-person version of the word "we" that parents often use to refer to something that their child has done; like "we're eating solids now", "we don't like carrots", or "we're scared of tomatoes".

I'm using the first-person plural, and it's very much plural; you see for the past three weeks I've been going too!

I had overestimated B.'s ability to settle in, and stay by herself. Up until now she's been with me practically all the time, and so it was maybe a bit naive of me to expect her to happily substitute me for a group of random strangers. Contrary to my expectations, the lure of the toys, play dough, painting, dressing up, sticky bricks, trains, snack time and playing with other children didn't compensate for my company. (Of course, part of me is flattered about this! But the other, more sensible part knows that it would be good for her to learn to become a little more independent).

Putting myself in her little shoes, I can see why she got upset when I tried to leave. She was one of the only new children in quite an established group; it is difficult to make friends when everybody else knows one another and you're the "new girl". And imagine how much harder and scarier this is when you're just two and a half year's old, and with social skills to match!

The preschool is happy for parents to stay in the beginning so that the children get used to the play leaders, the other children and the surroundings. So I took advantage of this and stayed. And stayed. I actually started to enjoy myself there, playing with and reading to the children; getting to know B.'s prospective friends. Then gradually merging more into the background; sitting quietly in the corner reading a book and helping out in the kitchen; giving B. the reassurance of me being there, but not being in her face.

After a few weeks, B. gradually started to play (without needing encouragement from me), and her enthusiasm for play dough, painting and sticking began to shine through! She was no longer constantly checking to see that I was still there, and she was interacting with the other children. And so I decided with the play leaders that it was time for me to try to leave again.

My Plan of Action

-First of all I just left for quarter of an hour; just enough time to walk round the block!
-The second day, I left for half and hour. I went to the shop to buy some reward chocolate (for B.) and some sea salt and vinegar crisps (for me!)
-The next day, (yesterday) I left for an hour, just enough time for me to renew our (overdue) library books, sit and read for a bit and do some people watching!
-And today, I'm at home filling my two hours sitting at my computer.

Each time I leave her she cries, (which is horrible), but she apparently stops shortly afterwards. Today I found it particularly difficult to leave her as the play leader said that I should just drop her and disappear. No big goodbyes. Well, I wasn't planning a big goodbye; after all she wasn't joining the army! But I would have felt cruel to leave without telling her I was going; it sounds a bit dramatic, but I would feel a bit like I was abandoning her.

So against teacher's wishes I said a quick goodbye. She wasn't too happy with me and practically bundled me out of the door, which upset me quite a bit. Especially as their manual says "Do say goodbye to your child before leaving. It might be frightening for them to suddenly realise that you've suddenly disappeared".

So walking home, I wasn't very happy. And I think this compounded the kind of empty feeling I got when I arrived home to my empty house. It sounds stupid, but I've really missed her during these one and a half hours (so far!). It's made me realise how horrible it must feel for her when I first leave her each time. And I've been wondering things like, did we make the right choice sending her to preschool so young? After all, she'll be in the school system for at least the next 14 years of her life... Shouldn't we be taking advantage of this time when I don't have to send her to school???

But when she's there she does enjoy it. And she'll learn so many new things, including how to make friends! And as time goes on I'm sure that I'll get used to her being there, just like she's getting used to it herself. So I won't take her out of preschool just yet. I'll give it a chance...

Update... Well, when I went to collect B. I was surprised to find a happy, laughing child, full of exciting things to tell me, and holding hands with a cheeky little friend! What do you know, she'd had a great time without me! Despite earlier feeling flattered that she wanted me with her, I now felt very happy to know that she'd had such a good time while I was away.

It's right that she should have lots of fun in her little world, and it feels absolutely right that it's now her world and not mine. She's staying for the whole three hours on Monday!

Cranial osteopathy - a cure for sleepless nights!

During B.'s first year and a half, we were the envy of our friends with children. We had something that they would have given anything to have; a baby who slept through the night! It wasn't a long night - it lasted from 10:00pm to 05:30am, but it was a long, uninterrupted block of sleep. And for that we were truly grateful.

During this golden sleeping phase, we considered ourselves very lucky. We hadn't trained her in any way; we'd never left her to "cry it out" or used any of the famous methods touted by various childcare specialists. It was pure luck. When tired and weary friends complimented our child and told us we must be doing something right, we just laughed and shrugged. In the back of our minds we knew that this luck wouldn't last forever. We were going to have to pay our sleep dues some time.

And then, suddenly (overnight even!) our luck changed. At about one and a half, B. started to wake up a mere hour after she'd gone to bed. And once we'd settled her, she'd wake up again an hour after that. And then the next hour too. The third wakening was always the killer. She wouldn't go back to sleep in her own bed no matter how long we stayed in there with her. No amount of breastfeeding, singing or cuddling would work.

By that time we were so exhausted that we would always bring her into bed with us. And once she was in our bed she would feed to sleep some of the time, but her sleep was quite fitful. Often she would just wriggle and feed the whole night through. This was a stressful time for all of us, as the lack of sleep was making us all feel mentally and physically drained. I began to see what our friends had been going through for all of this time...

We began by just assuming that this was a "phase" she was going through, perhaps due to teething or the weather, or that she was possibly coming down with something. But she was fine and totally normal in every other way. And the phase didn't pass! A month or two later we decided to try out cranial osteopathy.

Cranial osteopathy involves very gentle pressure applied to points on the skull and spine, in order to improve the flow of spinal fluid and mobilise bones in the skull, which can be mis-aligned from birth.

This therapy had first been recommended to us during our NCT class. A fan of all things natural, our teacher had told us that that it can cure a whole host of baby ailments; including sleep problems, difficulties with breastfeeding, colic, ear infections, and excessive crying. And over the next few years we'd also heard success stories from friends, who'd seen their babies and children "miraculously cured" of various ailments.

It seemed too good to be true, and certain people around us were very dubious. But when you're not getting much sleep, you're willing to try anything!

So to Muswell Hill we went, where we'd found a lovely lady called Jessica Ovett at the Muswell Healing Arts Complementary Health Centre. B, enthralled by the fishpond in the waiting room, full of enormous fish and surrounded by miniature plastic frogs, was not so keen to go upstairs and see the osteopath. Her annoyance at having her pond play interrupted was soon replaced by curiousity about "lady's" collection of toys.

So while Jessica took some details about our problem, B. played happily. Then she started to assess her and give gentle treatment. To the layman (me!), this seemed to involve Jessica placing her fingers on certain points of B's body, and getting her to move her arms, legs or head every so often. Luckily she managed to do this while B. was wandering around the room playing with toys; apparently her experience of working at the Osteopathic Centre for Children taught her how to perform her therapy "on the move".

I was told that with cranial osteopathy it normally takes a few sessions before you see any improvement, so we booked another appointment for the following week.

That first week, nothing changed and we were just as tired and cranky as before. However, we tried to remain optimistic. The first few nights after the second treatment were just as bad as ever, and I was starting to get dubious about whether it was all a big waste of time and money.

However, on the fifth night after her second treatment, B. slept through for the first time in ages. We tried not to get too excited about this; it could easily have been a fluke. But then she did it again, and after two weeks of blissful sleep we felt confident that this would be her new sleeping pattern. And apart from the odd blip for teething or illnesses, she's still sleeping really well.
#:o)

As with any treatment, cranial osteopathy might not work for everybody because we're all different. But based on our almost magical experience and those of people we know, I would definitely recommend giving it a try!

A two and a half year old's cold

Well, it seems as if a cold when you're two and a half is very different to any that you might have had before this landmark age. The last cold that B. had passed without much fuss. She sneezed, she got snot on her face, she continued to jump, sing, dance, and generally get on with her life. Easy.

The two and a half year old B. is a very different kind of patient. She's been ill since last night (which was a bad one for us all), and today she's stamping around the house wailing mournfully "I've got a cold". This has sometimes been followed by a temporary return to her normal, chirpy (if somewhat hopeful) little voice, asking "can I have some medicine?"

Yes, this increased awareness of what's going on inside her body seems to have been accompanied by a sudden realisation that Calpol is great! We're not normally big medicine users and up until now we haven't had to give her much Calpol or other medicines. But this cold is making her miserable.

She's miserable about her runny nose, she's frantic about that feeling you get when you're about to sneeze, frustrated that she can't lie comfortably or suck her fingers as her nose is blocked up; in fact everything is making her cry and scream and shout. And the truth is that Calpol seems to solve many of these problems. Immediately after taking it she licks her lips and asks for more ("No".) And a little while after this, it kicks in and she's a much happier little girl.

A little tai chi in my life

Tai chi is one of my passions in life. I attended classes for several years, and my first provided me with a life-changing education in the Wudang style of tai chi. At this school you learn the form, (a set routine of inter-connected movements), alongside its self-defense applications. I loved this class, although I favoured the form and the relaxation side over the self-defense aspects.

I'm really excited to have come across the video below, which shows the Wudang short, circular hand form. This is one of the first forms that you learn when you join a Wudang class.

The Wudang Style



Tai chi taught me to relax in a way that I'd never relaxed before. It takes a little while to learn a form, but once you've mastered it your body begins to carry out these moves automatically, without you having to think about it; leaving your mind completely relaxed. Your body, mind and soul are soothed by this flowing exercise, which is often described as a moving meditation.

When that class stopped I was very upset. I tried a few others but they just weren't the same, and I continued to practice the Wudang forms at home. A few years later I came across a class that taught a special form of tai chi for people with arthritis. As I'd developed some problems with my joints I thought it sounded like a nice, gentle form that would suit me down to the ground!

This was extremely different to the Wudang class. It was a very short form, lasting only a few minutes, but it was just as relaxing and enjoyable. And the emphasis of this class was firmly on relaxation, energy flow and health. As this form was so short it was very easy to learn, and even now, years after the class ended I can still remember it, and I try to practice it a few times every day. A perfect antidote to toddler tantrums!

And I'm hoping that one day B. will also be interested in learning tai chi. I feel that she would benefit from learning this relaxing art!