Lifestyles

Two things happened this week to make me realise just how much my life has changed since becoming a mum and living my stay-at-home lifestyle. Getting together with other mums, I noticed just how much of a typical stay-at-homer I am; and meeting up with an old friend, still living the free and single lifestyle, reinforced this even more.

To combat the lack of toddler activities during the summer holidays some friends and I have started to do coffee mornings. Three or four of us take it in turns to have the others round to our house. The children get to play together, and we mums get to chat, (and of course drink coffee). Even though four toddlers (plus a couple of newborns) can be noisy and all sorts of territorial disputes inevitably arise, for the adults these mornings are surprisingly stress-free and calming. The multiple-mums somehow absorb most of the shared stress, and these are relaxing times!

Talking to each other and visiting other peoples' homes like this makes us realise just how similar our lives are and how much we have in common. It's reassuring to know that all of our two-year olds are behaving in similarly unbalanced and cranky ways at the moment. But the similarities don't end there; we cook the same kinds of food, have similar daily routines, have similar outlooks on life; - even our political views are much of a muchness. It hits us that we're very much living a lifestyle.

The previous evening I'd been out to meet my friend for a drink. We hadn't been in touch for seven years, and I'd got back in touch with her by sending her a "buzz" on Friends Reunited. I'm never sure about the wisdom of reuniting with old friends, after all people lose touch for a reason, whether it be as a result of a major dispute or just having drifted apart. Either way, if your friendship wasn't working out then, or you didn't feel the need to do whatever it took to save it, then shouldn't you just leave it be? Well, ignoring my doubts I buzzed, we got back in touch and we met up in Covent Garden.

Although I used to work near Covent Garden, not having been there for a few years made it seem like a whole new experience; the crowds, the tourists, the noise; and it felt strange to me that most people there were adults in their 20's, 30's or 40's. And not a child in site!

We managed to find a nice quiet pub called the Round Table. My friend works for a large, American company, she has her own flat, has lots of friends and goes out drinking and partying several nights a week. She's looking well on it, and she seems happy. And very youthful. While parenthood seems to have taken its toll on me, the past seven years don't seem to have altered her much! We talk about old times, and try hard to remember some very hazy ones from our twenties (memories made hazy not just by time, but by the cheap vodka that we had been drinking at the time). When we first met we had both just graduated from university, and we were totally free of commitment, ties, work or duty of any kind. They were amazing and magical times, and every day was an adventure.

My friend seemed horrified that this was my first evening out in about a year, and I was amazed that this was her fifth night out in as many nights. Our lives now are very different; mine is full of coffee mornings, playgroups, toddler tantums and Yo Gabba Gabba, while hers, the life of a London career-girl, is full of late nights, morning meetings, dating and exotic holidays. She works hard and plays hard, while I don't "work" as such, but play an awful lot!

While we both envy certain aspects of the other's life, we know that swapping would cause us both major shockwaves. We are both where the other would be if we had taken different paths, which is a sobering thought... Not that I needed much sobering up after my night on the town. I haven't drank for so long that I didn't even manage to finish my pint!

While I, (the 35 year old me), am happy with my coffee-morning lifestyle and wouldn't change a thing, I'm sure that the me in my twenties would have been horrified at the prospect of turning into me! Given the choice now (in a strange Dr Who-ish time-loop), she would probably go down the London girl path.