Stay-At-Home Mum

Oh for a simple life

2010-11-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

I love the dailymash, and I found myself agreeing with much of the article below, about how we should send our kids back to the 1950's.

(Well, except for the bit about women not having opinions or jobs. And perhaps also the wearing of starched white pinafores..)

I can't help feeling that our lives are too full of technology, and we're all so busy tweeting we're missing out on all those good, healthy things in life, like taking walks, appreciating nature and seeing our friends, (rather than seeing their photos on Facebook).

Plus we're constantly soaking up all the radiation from our wireless networks, laptops and iphones, and that really can't be good.

Don't we want our kids to have a better life than all this? For them to be able to experience the great outdoors? To have a good, healthy diet, and do real activities, not virtual ones. Like playing real sports with real human interaction rather than sitting in front of the wii?

So yes, I'm all for sending our kids back to the 1950's. And I think I might come along too...

Children Should Be Raised In The 1950's, Say Experts

Do you only have one child?

2010-11-01T16:27:00.001-07:00

The question sounds like a sad one. The inclusion of the word 'only' makes it sound as if my child is an unfortunate. Excluding the only would make it sound nicer, but most people wouldn't understand the distinction. Or maybe I'm just being over-sensitive.

I get particularly sensitive about this when people ask this question in front of my daughter, who is at an age now where most of her friends do have siblings. Being an only child does make her feel different, but this question magnifies the difference. It sounds as if people feel sorry for her, and makes her think she should feel sorry for herself. When her life is actually quite good!

So I struggle with the best way to answer this question. I don't like to be rude, especially when it wasn't the intention of the person who asked it to offend us.

Whether it's by choice or by circumstance that you are a one-child family, it's wrong when people make you feel that you (and especially your child) have a lower quality of life because of it. Parents worry enough as it is, and give themselves a hard enough time about whether or not they're good parents, without other people's judgements.

I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about this subject. Here are some hubs based on my research and my thoughts.

And here is the blog article from Nataly on workitmom.com that inspired this post.

Having only one child: why is it such a crime?

I'm grateful for this inspiration, as I haven't blogged here for a little while now. I needed a kick up the bum, and am glad to be back.

I need to change my life!

2009-09-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Things I need to change:

1. Go to bed at a decent hour! - my best writing ideas might well happen at night, but it's leaving me tired and washed out the next day. My health is more important than my creativity, and it's not fair on B. if I'm grumpy/tired/irrational/ill as a result of all my late nights!

2. Eat more healthily - I sometimes kid myself that I have a healthy diet because I'm vegetarian (well, a fish-eating one anyway). But ready-meals aren't really the healthiest thing, and often I'm so busy preparing B.'s (considerably healthier) meals and trying to get on with the day that I forget to eat something myself.

3. Drink less tea! - oh my goodness this'll be hard! Tea is a big vice of mine. It's my only vice really (oh, except for chocolate..), and I've noticed recently that I've gone from drinking one cup per day to nearly all of my liquids being tea. I know that the anti-oxidants in tea are supposed to be very good for you and prevent all sorts of nasty diseases, but I'm sure that you're not supposed to drink it in these quantities.

4. Spend less time online - writing is a great hobby of mine. However pretentious it might sound (sorry!), it's something I love for its own sake, something that is mine alone. It's therapeutic to get things out of my brain and onto the page, and is something that I've always done and needed to do. So this is an online activity that I wouldn't want to give up. But I could do with spending less time on Facebook..

5. Meditate more - sounds a bit hippy I know, but my mind is never calm, and I think everyone would benefit, including myself, if my brain was calmer. And less crowded. (Incidentally "crowded" is my daughter's favourite word at the moment, so it's rubbing off on me. Yesterday when I asked her how my hair looked she told me it was looking a bit crowded).

6. Do some housework - ha ha, yes, not my forte! I do washing, sweep the carpets and clean surfaces, I dust occasionally and tidy up when someone's coming round, but there is definitely room for improvement!

7. Watch less television - I do like TV, it has to be said. My favourite programmes at the moment are Medium, America's Next Top Model (I know. I feel like I shouldn't like this programme, I just find it funny..), Neighbours, and Jonathan Creek (love it!)

8. Fill my time better - as B.'s just started big nursery I have two and a half hours to myself every weekday. This sounds like a lot maybe, but it goes soooo fast. Now, I do try to tidy up a bit and make the place liveable once again while she's not there to mess it up.

But other times I tend to make myself a cup of tea (see point 3) with the intention of just watching a little bit of telly (see point 7) while I'm drinking it. But then I crash out because I'm tired from my late night of writing/Facebook-ing/watching TV (see points 1, 4 and 7), which were more-than-likely perpetuated by the immense amount of caffeine that's flowing around my malnourished body and crowded brain. (See points 2, 3 and 5!).

Future ventures and adventures

2009-08-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

This summer's got me making some plans. My lovely three and a half year-old will soon be starting "big" nursery school five mornings a week, so I'll have a little more time on my hands. I'm hoping to use this time to do more writing, some book-selling, studying, teaching and swimming! Ambitious maybe. Especially for someone like me, who is slightly better at planning things than actually doing them. But I'm hoping that committing my plans to blog might help inspire me to achieve them...

Writing. Writing is still one of my passions. It allows me to be creative, gives me some me-time and helps me to balance out all the child things that we do.

And recently over on HubPages I wrote what I consider to be my favourite hub so far. It's called Wimbledon, Grass Soup and a Randy Dog. I wrote it all in one go in a sort of manic outpouring of thoughts and words after a sound from outside my daughter's window brought back all sorts of childhood summertime memories. Each time I read it I get goosebumps as I'm transported back in time!

I seem to be specialising a bit in pregnancy and baby related articles. I hadn't planned to do this, but the whole pregnancy and baby thing still fascinates me, even three and a half years after experiencing it myself. Here are my baby hubs so far:

My next hub is going to continue the theme of second babies, (something which has playing on my mind a bit recently). It's going to be called "Am I evil if I don't have a second child?"

A lot of hubbers have taken part in the recent "hub challenges", where you write 30 hubs in 30 days. Or for the more ambitious (or perhaps crazy), 100 hubs in 30 days. I'd love to be able to do this, as I do really enjoy challenging myself and writing about a whole load of different things, and it would probably also help to boost my google earnings. But I don't have enough time.

Typing this much in one morning has been challenging enough for me, and I've only achieved it by sitting my daughter in front of the TV, intermittently tasking her with jigsaw puzzles and tidying projects, giving her copious snacks and me doing much simultaneous typing, talking and singing - which isn't really an ideal writing environment!

Another writing project in the pipeline (well, currently in the pipeline of my mind), is setting up a website all about my local area. Because I absolutely LOVE where I live, and want to share it with other people who aren't lucky enough to live here! Actually I'm hoping that the main point of it will be to let the people who do live here know about all the things that are going on in our neighbourhood.

Bookselling. For a while now I've been thinking of setting up as a bookseller with a children's book franchise. If you're a regular on the mum websites, like netmums, mumsnet and mum and working, you'll know that there's a whole plethora of franchise opportunities.

You can sell almost anything, according to your interests. Many involve holding parties in your house or selling to schools and playgroups. Well, I'm not a natural seller and don't find it easy to be persuasive, so you'd think that I would stay clear of such ventures. However, there is one children's bookseller that fascinates me so much that I might have to put aside these apparent obstacles. They sell such lovely books, and the ethos of the company is so close to my own that it's just been luring me in. I'll write more about this if I actually take the plunge and do it!

Studying. My foray into the world of the teaching assistant has whet my appetite for more. And if I decide that working in a primary school is for me then I'd really like to get properly qualified. You don't have to have formal qualifications to become a teaching assistant, but I think that if you want to find a paid post it's always best. So I've been looking around at courses, and the most useful one that I've come across so far (in terms of course content, support and flexibility) is the ICS Teaching Assistant BTEC, which I'd be able to do from home in my own time.

Swimming. As well as booking B. on a swimming course, I really want to swim more myself. In my pre-mummy days I used to belong to a gym and swim regularly, before or after work. I've been longing to get back to it, as to me there's nothing more relaxing than moving through the water, (albeit at a rather clumsy pace). My first swimming session is tonight at Finchley Lido.

I hope that my other ambitions will soon follow!

Life and all that

2009-08-06T03:49:00.000-07:00

My posts here have been few and very far between recently. With the school holidays and the lovely weather we've been having (well, we usually get a few nice days each week, which isn't bad..) we've been ever so busy doing things.

Birthdays parties are becoming more and more frequent. And I'm told that the older B. gets the more intense this will become - until it peaks at the age of 8 or 9 when all of her weekends will be completely filled with parties, and she won't have any time to see her family. And I'm not even thinking about what happens after that with the teenage years. Too far ahead to worry about now - and too darn scary!

We've also been going to picnics, fêtes, fairs, farm trips and a wonderful street party, where we met lots of lovely new people, and B. got to play on a beach that had been created in the middle of the road! She and her friends planted a beautiful balloon garden in the sand, which kept them busy for hours while we got to relax, drink Pimms, eat wonderful food and chat to the neighbours.

Before the summer holidays I dipped my toe into the world of work. For a couple of months I spent Monday mornings helping out in an adult numeracy course at my local college. As I'm slightly maths-obsessed I leapt at the chance of trying this, and also wanted to see whether or not teaching could maybe be something I'd be good at. Although it's difficult to tell yet if I'm any good, I had a great time. The students were so welcoming and friendly, and really appreciative; that's an advantage of teaching adults I suppose. I do enjoy the teaching environment and it feels rewarding when you see that sudden look of understanding after you've explained something.

But I'm undecided about whether I'd prefer to teach adults or children. So when B. starts her "big nursery" next term I'm going to enquire about teaching assistant posts there. I do love being with kids, so I can imagine loving this even more - although faced with large quantities of them all at one time I might well change my mind!!

Anyone can breastfeed

2009-02-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

Last year I wrote the following piece for a discussion forum, in reply to a discussion about breastfeeding support. Re-reading it inspired me to write this blog post. You might disagree with the title, but please read on!
--
Although things are gradually improving here in the UK, I don't think there's enough breastfeeding support around at the moment, which is why so many mums who try are still giving up so early. And others who hear of these difficult experiences may decide not to even try to breastfeed in the first place.

There was a report recently that said that 90% of UK mothers who stopped feeding before six weeks regret doing so. This is really sad for them and their babies, especially as it would be so easy to prevent this if the right resources were in place.

So many women stop because they think their baby isn't getting enough milk, and in most cases they are, but the mothers just don't know how to tell. This isn't helped by health visitors who frequently scare mothers into giving up by measuring their babies' weights against charts based on data from bottle-fed babies.

Another common reason for stopping is if the baby doesn't latch on properly. This may be interpreted by the mother as the baby not wanting to breastfeed, it may again make her think that she's not producing enough milk, or that she's just doing it wrong somehow. These issues could be corrected so easily with the support of a breastfeeding adviser, who could look at the latch and provide an instant correction.

At our NCT classes Swedish breastfeeding statistics were used to illustrate that it's possible for almost every mother to breastfeed if given the right support. In Sweden, (according to data from the year 2000), over 90% of new mothers breastfeed their baby, and 72% of them are still breastfeeding by the time they're 6 months.

So if governments were to put some more resources into breastfeeding support and education it could make such a difference to our breastfeeding rates - not to mention the health of our children and the potential reduction in national healthcare costs from this investment!
--

Sadly the lady who started the discussion, a Swedish lady, replied that things aren't so great now in Sweden. The country that many had hailed as the "breastfeeding capital of the world", is apparently having similar problems to us. Hospital staff no longer have enough time to help mothers breastfeed, and the enthusiasm that there once was for this most natural and healthy way of feeding one's child, is waning.

Luckily UK breastfeeding statistics are gradually improving, as people are being made more aware of the benefits, and it's slowly becoming more common to see other women breastfeeding. The latest statistics I can find are from 2005, where initial ('at birth') breastfeeding rates were 78% in England, 70% in Scotland, 67% in Wales, and 63% in Northern Ireland(1). Rates in all four countries had increased since previous years.

And from positive changes in the way the media portrays breastfeeding, the experiences of my friends and my own (statistically insignificant!) observations on peoples' attitudes to breastfeeding, I would expect (and hope) that things have improved even more since then.

A long-standing frustration amongst those trying to promote breastfeeding, is the apparent lack of interest amongst the working class and younger mothers. Although recent campaigns have had a positive effect overall, these groups just don't seem to relate to them. And ironically, it is lower income groups who could probably benefit most from breastfeeding; which could help reduce life-long health inequalities(2) caused by factors such as poor housing conditions, inadequate nutrition, a higher prevalence of diseases relating to tobacco and alcohol consumption, and less access to health information.

To try to improve the image of breastfeeding amongst younger women from poorer backgrounds, a new Lancashire-based campaign has been launched which is firmly aimed at this group. The Be A Star campaign trades on the cult of celebrity. It shows young breastfeeding mums looking glamourous and hot, just like a pop star or a model. A world apart from the traditional view of breastfeeding mums (middle-aged, middle class hippy folk), and more likely to appeal to those who don't fit the "traditional model".

Campaigns like this are very encouraging, and so are the real celebrities who go public about the benefits of breastfeeding, and speak about their positive experiences. People like Charlotte Church, Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani are worth their weight in gold to breastfeeding supporters; they are likely to have a markedly bigger positive impact on breastfeeding rates in all sectors of society, than any national campaign or strategy could ever hope to.

Sources
(1) Infant and Dietetic Foods Association
(2) Guardian Article: Breastfeeding Gets Image Overhaul
Photo courtesy of 007 Breasts

Talking to toilet roll holders

2009-01-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

My daughter's currently under the table talking to cupcake cases. She has them spread out on the floor around her and each one seems to be a member of her class. ("Are you there Megan? Are you there Lila? Don't do that Mika!") She is telling them all what to do (lol!), and she's also saying other random-sounding things like "there's Tigger, and there's lots of carrots".

She often pretends that household objects are her friends. It's so funny, and I think that she acts out some things that have happened at school, using these objects. I'm not worried about this; I think it's normal and remember doing something similar - except I used dolls and teddies rather than cupcake cases and toilet roll holders..

While her friends are into dolls, my daughter's never shown any interest in the dolls or soft toys that people have bought her. I don't mind this as there's no rule that says girls have to play with dolls (although it's obviously a shame that people have bought them for her and she's not using them).

Actually somebody bought her a gorgeous little teddy bear for her birthday, and she just ignores him - so I have adopted him.

Lots of writing

2008-12-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

One thing I love about writing at different sites is that it gives me the freedom to write about many different things. Here on my blog, I (try to) keep my posts vaguely related to motherhood, being at home, and children (well, mainly my child really!)

I enjoy reviewing things on Reviewstream, and I like to be imaginative with what I review and what I say. As well as doing some straight product reviews I find it fun and liberating to set my mind free, and write exactly what I feel about the product or item that I'm reviewing! My writing there tends to be on the humourous side; I find it hard to keep things serious and business-like, particularly when I'm writing about such emotive subjects as breastmilk, IKEA products, ginger, Yo Gabba Gabba, jogging, and a dire local fish and chip restaurant!

On Associated Content I write quite experimental stuff. I've tried my hand at writing a limerick (I know, it's not great, but it's my first ever attempt at rhyming!), short, observational pieces and a short story.

And on HubPages, I write about all sorts of things that interest me. Recently I've pondered the question Are Second Babies Cost-Free?, I've written an Ode to Woolworths, some tips on How to Get a Good Night's Sleep, and recounted my blissful experience inside a Floatation Tank (- an experience that I hope to repeat very soon!)

I am a shape!

2008-11-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

I've become a bit obsessed with the shapes' song from Mister Maker. Mainly because of the rectangle. Is it just me?

Growing up fast!

2008-11-13T02:46:00.001-08:00

My daughter likes to tell us "I growed big". And she's right, she is growing up. Fast.

But it's not her increasing height that's most remarkable (in fact she's quite little for her age, but don't tell her that); it's her development which is coming on in leaps and bounds. Between her second and third years, we've seen her change before our very eyes from a relatively babyish and cuddly toddler, into a speaking, singing and dancing, inquisitive and intelligent (although still remarkably cuddly!) little girl.

Now when we have conversations, they are proper conversations. We can talk about anything really. She also has conversations with invisible people, giving them characters and names. One of her favourite people to talk to is herself, in the mirror. She and her double have a great time together and chat about painting, swimming and going to the park. They are very good friends. I love eavesdropping on her conversations (I know, I'm bad..), and one of my favourites recently was when she was talking to a towel.

B.: "Shall we go swimming together?"
Towel: -
B.: "Ok, let's ask our daddies if we can go."
Towel: -
B.: "I'll ask my daddy, you ask yours. Your daddy's a towel."

I don't know why exactly, but this made me laugh a lot.

She also shouts at and runs screaming from the invisible monsters who sometimes visit our house. These are often baddies from her favourite TV programmes, such as the Spooky Spoon or the Shape Japer from Numberjacks. Mummy or daddy has to come to the rescue, but luckily we can normally banish them from our house by stamping on them or throwing them out the window.

One of the best things is that now she's mature enough to reason with, at least some of the time. She still has tantrums, usually when she doesn't get her own way or has been told off about something, but this is normal and something that we have become used to. But afterwards when all is calm once more, we can now explain to her why her behaviour was wrong, and she understands. Although of course that's no guarantee that she won't do it again. She is still a two-year old after all!

As I mentioned in my last post, we have begun potty training. This is our second attempt and it's going quite well. We first tried it about six months ago, and although things were great for the first week while she viewed our toilet as her new toy, as with any new toy the novelty soon wore off!

Since she's started pre-school and has grown up so much, we decided that we should give it another try. This time, we re-introduced the potty. Although rejected the last time in favour of the more exciting, flushable, toilet - with its fascinating moveable seats and water feature, this time around the potty is just as popular. Especially as it allows you to wee while watching The Micky Mouse Clubhouse. Oh what luxury!

We didn't use any particular method of potty training, we just bumbled along really, seeing what would work. We started by putting her in knickers, placing potties in a few different rooms and bribing her with a single Malteser each time she used one of them. Although I think that bribing your child is generally a bad idea, in this case it did the job quite quickly. She hardly had any accidents, and after the first week or so she no longer asked for Maltesers; the lavish praise heaped on her by her friends and family was obviously enough! And the fact that most of her nursery friends were out of nappies also helped a lot.

When I look at those children now it's amazing to think that not too long ago they had seemed so much older that her. Now she fits in really well, and is very much at ease with everybody there. The teachers tell me that she's like a completely different child to the one who first arrived there a few months ago. She enjoys teaching the other kids the special dances that she likes to do around the house, and she's even taken to comforting the other children who cry for their mummies!

Half-term already!

2008-10-28T08:20:00.001-07:00

I'm relieved to say that B.'s still enjoying her pre-school. That's to say, she likes it once she's there. Before we leave the house she likes to protest; some days more strongly than others.

However she is feeling about the prospect of going, she has two stock phrases that she always employs once she realises that we're going:

"I don't want to go to school", this is usually followed by a little cry, and
"I'll miss you at school", which is quite sweet really, (or at least it is the first few times you hear it!)

Sometimes these utterances are said with strength and feeling and are followed by very dramatic tantrums in which she refuses to have her trousers/socks/shoes/coat put on, other times they are said half-heartedly without emotion - as if she feels she has to say them just out of duty.

Once we arrive at the pre-school she is usually excited to see her friends (as the other children have now thankfully become) as well as the toys, and she is immediately upbeat. This makes me so happy, as I get the feeling now that she sees it as "her" school, and she feels that she belongs there.

Then there is usually a moment after I say goodbye to her when she lets out a cry. Sometimes it is big and dramatic, sometimes it is brief and weak; often she will stop mid-cry as she sees an interesting toy or activity that distracts her! And occasionally she doesn't cry at all. The funny thing is that she tells me before-hand whether or not she's going to cry. She decides this before we even leave the house. "I will cry at school" or "I'm not going to cry today". And she always sticks to her word.

Then when I go to pick her up I find a completely over-excited child, desperate to show me the lovely artwork, collage or cake that she's made, and tell me about what her friends have been up to. This makes me realise that pre-school was definitely right for her, despite the slow start.

Then, just as she's settled and happy, it's suddenly half-term already! I'm sure that half-terms didn't used to come around so quickly when I was at school..

This will be a busy week. We have lots of plans, mainly involving other small people. So far this week we've seen some family and friends, and we've started potty-training! (More of that in my next post).

Today we had three friends over with six children between us. B. and her friends are at the stage now where they all want to play with whatever toys the others are playing with, and there is no room for compromise! So our get-togethers are not quite as relaxing as they once were, and we take it in turns to break up the fights! What's more our house now looks like a war-zone; the fallout from a war that used cake and biscuit bombs as the main weapons of choice..

The front room floor is covered in Lego, puzzle pieces and ground-in crumbs, there are spills on the carpet, chalk drawings on the wallpaper, and all manner of strange things in improbable places - some of which may take weeks to find.

And I know that I should be cleaning it all up. But I'm feeling a little exhausted and rather shell-shocked. And so instead I am flopped in a chair with a strong cup of tea and a chocolate cupcake, listening to a selection of my favourite music (via myLot.com), and praying that B.'s nap will be a long one.

Writing on HubPages: A hub of information

2008-10-21T01:29:00.000-07:00

I've become a bit lax with my blogging recently. A site called Hub Pages has been taking up lots of my computer time, and my life! Well, not my life exactly, but I have become quite addicted, and when B.'s at pre-school, rather than getting myself a proper job, I'm writing hubs - for free! (Well, my 50 cents of Adsense earnings don't really count...)

Hub Pages is a writing site where you can produce one-page blogs (hubs) about any subject under the sun. They don't have to be related in any way, (although you can arrange them into groups if you write a few on a particular subject). And just like a blog you can add as many pictures as you like, as well as links, video clips and advertising; so that the finished page looks rather good, (unlike on other writing sites who completely control the look of the page, and don't really have very much imagination!)

My hubs are shown in the Hub Pages widget on the right of this page. I've found myself specialising slightly in articles about pregnancy and female health, and the internet, although I have also written on other diverse subjects such as chocolate tea, flowers, pasta and death!

This site allows you to write about all the things that interest you, and because you're part of the Hubber community, you automatically have an audience for your work. You can become 'fans' of other Hubbers, who can also become your fans, and get notified when you've published something new. The amount of exposure your work gets depends on your hub score (which is calculated by the powers-that-be, using a top-secret formula!)

As well as writing to my heart's content, I also love reading other peoples' work. I've joined some Hubber fan clubs, which means that I am notified whenever somebody writes something about the subjects I enjoy, and I've also managed to become a fan of some amazing, funny and inspiring writers.

Here are some of my favourite hubs by fellow Hubbers:

I'm currently working on some hub ideas, including one proposing that second babies are cost-free. I know, this is written from the point of view of somebody who only has one child, and you may well know better! But I think it's an interesting idea to explore. I also want to review my favourite product of all times, and take a look at hormones!

Settling my child into preschool

2008-09-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, we've started preschool! And I'm not using the strange third-person version of the word "we" that parents often use to refer to something that their child has done; like "we're eating solids now", "we don't like carrots", or "we're scared of tomatoes".

I'm using the first-person plural, and it's very much plural; you see for the past three weeks I've been going too!

I had overestimated B.'s ability to settle in, and stay by herself. Up until now she's been with me practically all the time, and so it was maybe a bit naive of me to expect her to happily substitute me for a group of random strangers. Contrary to my expectations, the lure of the toys, play dough, painting, dressing up, sticky bricks, trains, snack time and playing with other children didn't compensate for my company. (Of course, part of me is flattered about this! But the other, more sensible part knows that it would be good for her to learn to become a little more independent).

Putting myself in her little shoes, I can see why she got upset when I tried to leave. She was one of the only new children in quite an established group; it is difficult to make friends when everybody else knows one another and you're the "new girl". And imagine how much harder and scarier this is when you're just two and a half year's old, and with social skills to match!

The preschool is happy for parents to stay in the beginning so that the children get used to the play leaders, the other children and the surroundings. So I took advantage of this and stayed. And stayed. I actually started to enjoy myself there, playing with and reading to the children; getting to know B.'s prospective friends. Then gradually merging more into the background; sitting quietly in the corner reading a book and helping out in the kitchen; giving B. the reassurance of me being there, but not being in her face.

After a few weeks, B. gradually started to play (without needing encouragement from me), and her enthusiasm for play dough, painting and sticking began to shine through! She was no longer constantly checking to see that I was still there, and she was interacting with the other children. And so I decided with the play leaders that it was time for me to try to leave again.

My Plan of Action

-First of all I just left for quarter of an hour; just enough time to walk round the block!
-The second day, I left for half and hour. I went to the shop to buy some reward chocolate (for B.) and some sea salt and vinegar crisps (for me!)
-The next day, (yesterday) I left for an hour, just enough time for me to renew our (overdue) library books, sit and read for a bit and do some people watching!
-And today, I'm at home filling my two hours sitting at my computer.

Each time I leave her she cries, (which is horrible), but she apparently stops shortly afterwards. Today I found it particularly difficult to leave her as the play leader said that I should just drop her and disappear. No big goodbyes. Well, I wasn't planning a big goodbye; after all she wasn't joining the army! But I would have felt cruel to leave without telling her I was going; it sounds a bit dramatic, but I would feel a bit like I was abandoning her.

So against teacher's wishes I said a quick goodbye. She wasn't too happy with me and practically bundled me out of the door, which upset me quite a bit. Especially as their manual says "Do say goodbye to your child before leaving. It might be frightening for them to suddenly realise that you've suddenly disappeared".

So walking home, I wasn't very happy. And I think this compounded the kind of empty feeling I got when I arrived home to my empty house. It sounds stupid, but I've really missed her during these one and a half hours (so far!). It's made me realise how horrible it must feel for her when I first leave her each time. And I've been wondering things like, did we make the right choice sending her to preschool so young? After all, she'll be in the school system for at least the next 14 years of her life... Shouldn't we be taking advantage of this time when I don't have to send her to school???

But when she's there she does enjoy it. And she'll learn so many new things, including how to make friends! And as time goes on I'm sure that I'll get used to her being there, just like she's getting used to it herself. So I won't take her out of preschool just yet. I'll give it a chance...

Update... Well, when I went to collect B. I was surprised to find a happy, laughing child, full of exciting things to tell me, and holding hands with a cheeky little friend! What do you know, she'd had a great time without me! Despite earlier feeling flattered that she wanted me with her, I now felt very happy to know that she'd had such a good time while I was away.

It's right that she should have lots of fun in her little world, and it feels absolutely right that it's now her world and not mine. She's staying for the whole three hours on Monday!

Cranial osteopathy - a cure for sleepless nights!

2008-09-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

During B.'s first year and a half, we were the envy of our friends with children. We had something that they would have given anything to have; a baby who slept through the night! It wasn't a long night - it lasted from 10:00pm to 05:30am, but it was a long, uninterrupted block of sleep. And for that we were truly grateful.

During this golden sleeping phase, we considered ourselves very lucky. We hadn't trained her in any way; we'd never left her to "cry it out" or used any of the famous methods touted by various childcare specialists. It was pure luck. When tired and weary friends complimented our child and told us we must be doing something right, we just laughed and shrugged. In the back of our minds we knew that this luck wouldn't last forever. We were going to have to pay our sleep dues some time.

And then, suddenly (overnight even!) our luck changed. At about one and a half, B. started to wake up a mere hour after she'd gone to bed. And once we'd settled her, she'd wake up again an hour after that. And then the next hour too. The third wakening was always the killer. She wouldn't go back to sleep in her own bed no matter how long we stayed in there with her. No amount of breastfeeding, singing or cuddling would work.

By that time we were so exhausted that we would always bring her into bed with us. And once she was in our bed she would feed to sleep some of the time, but her sleep was quite fitful. Often she would just wriggle and feed the whole night through. This was a stressful time for all of us, as the lack of sleep was making us all feel mentally and physically drained. I began to see what our friends had been going through for all of this time...

We began by just assuming that this was a "phase" she was going through, perhaps due to teething or the weather, or that she was possibly coming down with something. But she was fine and totally normal in every other way. And the phase didn't pass! A month or two later we decided to try out cranial osteopathy.

Cranial osteopathy involves very gentle pressure applied to points on the skull and spine, in order to improve the flow of spinal fluid and mobilise bones in the skull, which can be mis-aligned from birth.

This therapy had first been recommended to us during our NCT class. A fan of all things natural, our teacher had told us that that it can cure a whole host of baby ailments; including sleep problems, difficulties with breastfeeding, colic, ear infections, and excessive crying. And over the next few years we'd also heard success stories from friends, who'd seen their babies and children "miraculously cured" of various ailments.

It seemed too good to be true, and certain people around us were very dubious. But when you're not getting much sleep, you're willing to try anything!

So to Muswell Hill we went, where we'd found a lovely lady called Jessica Ovett at the Muswell Healing Arts Complementary Health Centre. B, enthralled by the fishpond in the waiting room, full of enormous fish and surrounded by miniature plastic frogs, was not so keen to go upstairs and see the osteopath. Her annoyance at having her pond play interrupted was soon replaced by curiousity about "lady's" collection of toys.

So while Jessica took some details about our problem, B. played happily. Then she started to assess her and give gentle treatment. To the layman (me!), this seemed to involve Jessica placing her fingers on certain points of B's body, and getting her to move her arms, legs or head every so often. Luckily she managed to do this while B. was wandering around the room playing with toys; apparently her experience of working at the Osteopathic Centre for Children taught her how to perform her therapy "on the move".

I was told that with cranial osteopathy it normally takes a few sessions before you see any improvement, so we booked another appointment for the following week.

That first week, nothing changed and we were just as tired and cranky as before. However, we tried to remain optimistic. The first few nights after the second treatment were just as bad as ever, and I was starting to get dubious about whether it was all a big waste of time and money.

However, on the fifth night after her second treatment, B. slept through for the first time in ages. We tried not to get too excited about this; it could easily have been a fluke. But then she did it again, and after two weeks of blissful sleep we felt confident that this would be her new sleeping pattern. And apart from the odd blip for teething or illnesses, she's still sleeping really well.
#:o)

As with any treatment, cranial osteopathy might not work for everybody because we're all different. But based on our almost magical experience and those of people we know, I would definitely recommend giving it a try!

A two and a half year old's cold

2008-09-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems as if a cold when you're two and a half is very different to any that you might have had before this landmark age. The last cold that B. had passed without much fuss. She sneezed, she got snot on her face, she continued to jump, sing, dance, and generally get on with her life. Easy.

The two and a half year old B. is a very different kind of patient. She's been ill since last night (which was a bad one for us all), and today she's stamping around the house wailing mournfully "I've got a cold". This has sometimes been followed by a temporary return to her normal, chirpy (if somewhat hopeful) little voice, asking "can I have some medicine?"

Yes, this increased awareness of what's going on inside her body seems to have been accompanied by a sudden realisation that Calpol is great! We're not normally big medicine users and up until now we haven't had to give her much Calpol or other medicines. But this cold is making her miserable.

She's miserable about her runny nose, she's frantic about that feeling you get when you're about to sneeze, frustrated that she can't lie comfortably or suck her fingers as her nose is blocked up; in fact everything is making her cry and scream and shout. And the truth is that Calpol seems to solve many of these problems. Immediately after taking it she licks her lips and asks for more ("No".) And a little while after this, it kicks in and she's a much happier little girl.

A little tai chi in my life

2008-09-04T02:59:00.000-07:00

Tai chi is one of my passions in life. I attended classes for several years, and my first provided me with a life-changing education in the Wudang style of tai chi. At this school you learn the form, (a set routine of inter-connected movements), alongside its self-defense applications. I loved this class, although I favoured the form and the relaxation side over the self-defense aspects.

I'm really excited to have come across the video below, which shows the Wudang short, circular hand form. This is one of the first forms that you learn when you join a Wudang class.

The Wudang Style

Tai chi taught me to relax in a way that I'd never relaxed before. It takes a little while to learn a form, but once you've mastered it your body begins to carry out these moves automatically, without you having to think about it; leaving your mind completely relaxed. Your body, mind and soul are soothed by this flowing exercise, which is often described as a moving meditation.

When that class stopped I was very upset. I tried a few others but they just weren't the same, and I continued to practice the Wudang forms at home. A few years later I came across a class that taught a special form of tai chi for people with arthritis. As I'd developed some problems with my joints I thought it sounded like a nice, gentle form that would suit me down to the ground!

This was extremely different to the Wudang class. It was a very short form, lasting only a few minutes, but it was just as relaxing and enjoyable. And the emphasis of this class was firmly on relaxation, energy flow and health. As this form was so short it was very easy to learn, and even now, years after the class ended I can still remember it, and I try to practice it a few times every day. A perfect antidote to toddler tantrums!

And I'm hoping that one day B. will also be interested in learning tai chi. I feel that she would benefit from learning this relaxing art!

My taste of life as a stay-at-home "working" mum

2008-08-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been a bit busy, hence my lack of blog updating. I've been having a taster of what it would be like to work at home (albeit part-time), with a two-year old in tow.

And I've really enjoyed the experience of working again and getting my teeth into something, but it has involved a fair amount of juggling!

My short working stint is for an online volunteering project through the UN Online Volunteering Service. I'd been lurking on their projects database for a while thinking that I'd really quite like to do some of them, but I didn't have the confidence to apply; - not working for a couple of years seems to do that to you! But then in a moment of inspiration (or perhaps sheer madness), I decided to apply for an interesting sounding internet research project, which was vaguely in my area of work.

The job brief said that it was for 6-10 hours per week, which I thought would be easily doable as B. still naps for two hours a day, and goes to bed before 9pm. However, the volume of work has turned out to be a lot more than this. This is perhaps because my project involves compiling research contacts for a UK region, and I chose London because it's the region that I know best. However, I didn't really think this through, considering the fact that London is the busiest region for research!

So I have been scouring research centre websites at all hours of the day and night in an effort to meet my deadline. And I've been finding it a bit exhausting really. But it's boosted my self-esteem to be doing some (non-mum) work, I've really enjoyed working as part of a team, and it's also been quite an inspiring experience which has (unexpectedly) led me to consider doing another degree! (Anthropology and Sociology at SOAS is my current department of choice!)

But, you're probably asking yourself, what have I been doing with B. while working these long hours? Well, that's the question I'd definitely be asking by this point!

Well, our days are panning out like this:

Our Working Day!

We get up and have breakfast. I do some work while eating breakfast, and B. watches CBeebies (as is her normal morning custom!)

Then until nap time she watches some more television, which I know isn't ideal, but she also plays with her toys, jumps on her bed, sticks stickers on things (walls, tables, clothes, me), draws, paints, converses with her stuffed toys, and invents new activities to keep herself busy! I obviously want to be pretty flexible when she's awake. Although I need to get the work done, she is my priority, so I stop working for all sorts of things; nappy changes and meals, short walks, the occasional friend visit, Friday toddler group, and, of course, cuddles!. But I've been leaving her to amuse herself quite a bit. And she's adapted to it remarkably well!

When nap time comes I work like crazy, and then by the time she's woken up I need a break. So we eat lunch together, then go in the garden or out for a walk. I try to get a bit more work done in the afternoon so long as she's happy amusing herself, and then before long it's supper time, bed for B. - and more work for me!

Well, despite being knackering it's kind of working out ok, and it's giving me a taste of what it would be like to live this slightly different stay-at-home lifestyle. What I don't like about it is not being able to give B. as much attention as I usually do, and that I've found myself snapping at her when I'm trying to do too many things at once. We're also not going out as much as we usually do, which is sometimes making us both a bit stir-crazy.

So I would need to ensure that any future working-from-home job didn't require such crazy hours, otherwise I would end up permanently frazzled (and probably wired up to a caffeine drip), and B. would probably become totally self-sufficient before she was three, and completely detached from the outside world...

I do want to do some more online volunteering; I love being able to do something useful (besides being a full-time mum of course!) But for the sake of both of our sanities, I'm going to wait until B.'s settled in pre-school before I attempt another project. And who knows, maybe it will lead to a new career, (...or even that PhD from SOAS!)

Lifestyles

2008-08-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

Two things happened this week to make me realise just how much my life has changed since becoming a mum and living my stay-at-home lifestyle. Getting together with other mums, I noticed just how much of a typical stay-at-homer I am; and meeting up with an old friend, still living the free and single lifestyle, reinforced this even more.

To combat the lack of toddler activities during the summer holidays some friends and I have started to do coffee mornings. Three or four of us take it in turns to have the others round to our house. The children get to play together, and we mums get to chat, (and of course drink coffee). Even though four toddlers (plus a couple of newborns) can be noisy and all sorts of territorial disputes inevitably arise, for the adults these mornings are surprisingly stress-free and calming. The multiple-mums somehow absorb most of the shared stress, and these are relaxing times!

Talking to each other and visiting other peoples' homes like this makes us realise just how similar our lives are and how much we have in common. It's reassuring to know that all of our two-year olds are behaving in similarly unbalanced and cranky ways at the moment. But the similarities don't end there; we cook the same kinds of food, have similar daily routines, have similar outlooks on life; - even our political views are much of a muchness. It hits us that we're very much living a lifestyle.

The previous evening I'd been out to meet my friend for a drink. We hadn't been in touch for seven years, and I'd got back in touch with her by sending her a "buzz" on Friends Reunited. I'm never sure about the wisdom of reuniting with old friends, after all people lose touch for a reason, whether it be as a result of a major dispute or just having drifted apart. Either way, if your friendship wasn't working out then, or you didn't feel the need to do whatever it took to save it, then shouldn't you just leave it be? Well, ignoring my doubts I buzzed, we got back in touch and we met up in Covent Garden.

Although I used to work near Covent Garden, not having been there for a few years made it seem like a whole new experience; the crowds, the tourists, the noise; and it felt strange to me that most people there were adults in their 20's, 30's or 40's. And not a child in site!

We managed to find a nice quiet pub called the Round Table. My friend works for a large, American company, she has her own flat, has lots of friends and goes out drinking and partying several nights a week. She's looking well on it, and she seems happy. And very youthful. While parenthood seems to have taken its toll on me, the past seven years don't seem to have altered her much! We talk about old times, and try hard to remember some very hazy ones from our twenties (memories made hazy not just by time, but by the cheap vodka that we had been drinking at the time). When we first met we had both just graduated from university, and we were totally free of commitment, ties, work or duty of any kind. They were amazing and magical times, and every day was an adventure.

My friend seemed horrified that this was my first evening out in about a year, and I was amazed that this was her fifth night out in as many nights. Our lives now are very different; mine is full of coffee mornings, playgroups, toddler tantums and Yo Gabba Gabba, while hers, the life of a London career-girl, is full of late nights, morning meetings, dating and exotic holidays. She works hard and plays hard, while I don't "work" as such, but play an awful lot!

While we both envy certain aspects of the other's life, we know that swapping would cause us both major shockwaves. We are both where the other would be if we had taken different paths, which is a sobering thought... Not that I needed much sobering up after my night on the town. I haven't drank for so long that I didn't even manage to finish my pint!

While I, (the 35 year old me), am happy with my coffee-morning lifestyle and wouldn't change a thing, I'm sure that the me in my twenties would have been horrified at the prospect of turning into me! Given the choice now (in a strange Dr Who-ish time-loop), she would probably go down the London girl path.

Fields of fun

2008-08-16T06:24:00.001-07:00

We've had a really good few days. The weather's been a bit unpredictable, so whenever it's stopped raining we've gone out but not ventured too far. One of our favourite destinations has been the local playing fields. There's no playground or pond or cafe, or anything that makes it into a proper park, but B. and I are still big fans as we've found tons of things to do there.

There are three main fields. The first has a football pitch and lots of steep hills. We call this the rolling field. We lie down at the top of a hill and roll all the way down. B. has a stronger constitution to me, and while it often makes me feel quite dizzy and green, she thrives on dizzy and laughs hysterically all the way down!

The second field has a running track and an old long jump site (ie. a sandpit). We spend lots of time running around the track, stopping occasionally to say "ready, steady, GO!". I'm sure getting lots of exercise this way, and B. has so much energy to burn. The sandpit is obviously also a big attraction. One of these days we will remember to take her bucket and spade, but in the meantime she's loving trekking through the sand and just getting dirty. This field is on a slightly lower level than the first, so also has some steps leading down to it with a grassy slope running alongside them. This is the aeroplane slope. We climb up the steps, counting as we go, and then bolt down the slope with our arms outstretched making loud aeroplane noises. The slope is steep, so we go pretty fast and it's really hard to stop. Thank heavens for our imaginary runway!

We call the third field the chicken field. There are no chickens there, but chickens is what B. calls pigeons. There are always plenty of pigeons in this field, and one of her favourite activities is terrorising these poor oblivious birds. When she spots a flock of pigeons, peacefully going about their day, she lets out a loud war-cry of "CHICKENS!!!", and then launches after any who are brave or stupid enough not to have taken this as a warning. Soon there are pigeons fleeing in all directions. I dread to think of what she'd do if ever she caught one...

Then on the way home we count slugs, look to see what's growing on the allotments, and sniff the flowers in peoples' front gardens. Proper parks are always nice, but with a bit of imagination fields can be good too.

Outdoor swimming

2008-08-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Picture copyright to Ruislip Online

We've recently discovered lidos. You don't really come across the word lido much, do you? Especially these days. It means "public outdoor swimming pool and surrounding facilities, or part of a beach where people can swim, lie in the sun or participate in water sports" (Wikipedia).

To me it's an old-fashioned word; it evokes the "olden days", and reminds me of my parents' nostalgic tales of visiting English holiday resorts whose lidos were huge swimming pools built in the sea. In the 1950's and 60's, these places were heaving. I had no idea that lidos still existed, but in the last month I've been told about two which are practically on my doorstep! And there are plenty more throughout the UK (see UK Lidos).

A few weeks ago my husband took B. to Ruislip Lido. It's a beautiful site, with a huge lake (actually a former canal reservoir), a beach, a children's playground and a miniature railway. Sadly you can no longer swim in the reservoir, but there were enough fun things to keep B. happy for half a day. The train ride was a great hit; apparently she didn't stop grinning for the whole time she was on it. And she loves building sandcastles; the fact that she was on the beach, by the sea, (ok reservoir, but she didn't know that!), meant that as far as she was concerned she'd been to the seaside. And when you live in London, to be able to drive to the seaside in half an hour really isn't bad!

Our other local lido is in Finchley. Formerly a 165ft x 80ft outdoor pool with fountains and roman columns, Finchley Lido is now a leisure centre with a complex of indoor pools and a smaller outside pool area. It's set in a popular cinema and restaurant complex off the North Circular, and so also has the makings of a good family day out, (although a different one to the Ruislip experience).

The indoor pool area is bright, warm and inviting. There's a large adult swimming pool, which of course you don't get to try out if it's just you and your child, but it looked good! The children's pool is great fun. The water is lovely and warm, it slopes gradually from no depth at all to around four feet, so it's very easy to get the kids in and out, and there are fountains and a wave machine! Even though we were there during the summer holidays, the pool wasn't uncomfortably crowded, and we managed to do a fair amount of splashing around, playing (and singing too!)

It was B. who spotted that the outdoor pool area was open, and it was she who suggested trying it out. My first reaction was to discourage her enthusiasm; because although it was summer, the weather on this day was veering from slightly cold and windy to rainy. She's not easy to discourage at the best of times. But then I thought, "why not? It'll be fun for us to experience an outdoor swimming pool in London" - it's not often that we get the chance! Well, the outdoor pools aren't heated, so needless to say, it was cold. Watching B.'s face as we tried to adjust to the temperature, I could clearly see the battle that was going on inside her; she stubbornly wanted to stay in the pool, because pools are fun and it's what her two-year old brain was telling her she should do; - yet she also desperately wanted to cry, because she was starting to shiver and feel like an ice cube. We persevered for a while, then decided to return to the welcoming heat inside.

Although nothing like the luxurious art-deco pool of yesteryear, I'm sure that it would be pleasant enough to spend a nice, sunny afternoon by these pools.

I think we both had quite a fun day. B. always loves going swimming, and I felt a sense of achievement at having been in an outdoor pool in the UK! We rounded off the day by visiting MacDonald's and watching the rain through the window...

I'm glad that I found out about lidos; - not that they're some well-kept secret, - but I feel sure that I'm not the only one who's surprised at their continued existence, particularly in this unpredictable climate of ours. It's lovely to know that we've got the option of outdoor swimming and bathing so close to home, and hopefully now that we know about them we'll be using them a whole lot more. At least we will if it stops raining...

Technological breakdown and breastfeeding

2008-08-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

We've had a bit of a technological breakdown in our house recently. The internet keeps going down and we're not sure why. The sure-fire way of fixing it, technically known as turning it off and on again has only sometimes been successful, so I haven't been on here too much.

What's more, when we had the front of our house painted the painter moved the Sky dish to paint behind it(!), so there were a couple of days when we didn't have internet or satellite TV! Just imagine!!

Actually it wasn't too bad. While B. was sleeping I managed to finish writing a couple of articles that I'd been trying to do for a while. One of them was a review of breast milk for Reviewstream.com. When the internet came back I posted it and I'm glad to say that it was accepted, which proves their claim that they will accept reviews for anything and everything, just like they say!

I just had to do it; there are so many reviews there for various formulas, and I thought it was important that breast milk also be considered as a choice, and a great one at that!

The International Breastfeeding Symbol

In case I missed out any of the amazing benefits of breast milk, here are a few more. 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child.

Photo credit: 007b.com

My slow-moving library campaign...

2008-08-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well, my library campaign hasn't been going too well so far. I've sent off my letters and posted on two local mums' websites, but so far I haven't had any replies or seen any evidence that anyone else has complained!

I'm thinking of pinning notices to trees. Lots of people seem to do that round here, whether it's to ask for people to look out for a lost pet, or to advertise things like aerobics classes. What do you think of this idea? (Other than the environmental impact - maybe I'll use tape rather than pins...)

If anyone has any other ideas on how I can let local people know about my "campaign", and encourage them to help save Storytime, please feel free to comment.

Second babies

2008-08-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not contemplating my second! But as my daughter is two and a half, we have several friends who have just had their second child. And they all have very similar things to say about the experience:

1. They've all also got a boisterous toddler, so baby no.2 doesn't get as much attention as baby no.1 did.

2. They didn't feel that their lives changed as much after having no.2 as it did the first time around. After the first one your life is turned upside-down and it changes completely. By the time you have no.2 your life has already changed to accommodate a child, so the difference isn't nearly as dramatic.

3. As they've done it before they are much more relaxed as mothers. When their first baby cried they rushed to pick them up immediately, but with the second, they know that no harm will come to them if they let them cry for a little bit - and this is just as well, as there are times when they just have to run after their toddler!

Because of their previous experience they're also less concerned about other things that would have worried them as a first-time mum.

4. They're much more active much sooner after having no.2. With your first child you're a bit scared to leave the house in case they get too cold/too hot/you drop them etc... But with no.2, not only are you more confident, but you need to get out of the house anyway to keep child no.1 busy or take them to pre-school or to their other activities. And staying at home all the time with two kids is probably inadvisable!

5. Because baby no.2 doesn't get as much attention as baby no.1 did, is used to sharing their parents, and probably also because mum is more relaxed, no.2 is a more contented, less demanding, easier baby!

I'm sure lots of people would disagree with these experiences, but this is how it's been for five of my friends. I'm hoping that if one day we do decide to have another baby, then our experiences will be very similar!

Under the weather

2008-07-29T08:53:00.001-07:00

Yes, the weather is heavy, stormy and unsettling, but today I'm under it. I don't know if it's because I didn't sleep well last night (because B. didn't sleep), or because I've caught some kind of bug. I know that something must be wrong as I'm feeling too ill to write! That hasn't happened before; normally I'm straining to type fast enough to get my thoughts down before they seep out my head.

I usually take the opportunity when B.'s sleeping, to write things for various forums and review websites, and recently also for this blog. But today it just didn't happen. As I started typing, the room started spinning, and needless to say I didn't get my normal writing buzz...

Now I'm feeling a little better, but still not well enough to tackle the other two posts that I started earlier. I'm writing this quickly while B. is amusing herself. I'm happy to leave her to her own devices for a little bit, and she's quite good at amusing herself sometimes, but occasionally she gets up to no good, and when I go to see what she's doing she's industriously scribbling on the walls.

As I don't feel much like writing, I thought I'd just add some pictures to this post to cheer me up. I love the great outdoors, and something that gives me great pleasure when I'm wandering around is all the beautiful flowers and trees that we come across. This has rubbed off on B., who has begun sticking her nose in flowers, sniffing dramatically, and making appreciative "hmmm!" noises. This is so clearly a learnt response rather than a genuine delight in the flowers; something that she thinks you just do when you see a flower, and it makes me laugh! I love taking photos of the plant-life that we see, and I can often be seen pointing my phone at bushes.

Growing your own

2008-07-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like growing your own food. I'm sitting here eating a bowl of lovely blackberries; a curious mixture of sweet, subtle-flavoured berries and sharp, tart berries with a vicious bite! And as you can't tell by looking at them which category they'll fall into, eating each one is like a sort of gastronomic Russian Roulette. Luckily I love both extremes of blackberry. My daughter, however, only likes the sweet ones, and so her reaction varies from big smiles to twisty-faced scowls and screams, and some spat-out red, juicy gunk.

These blackberries are from our back garden, and there's many more where they came from, and at various stages of ripening, so they should last us for much of the summer. I didn't have any part to play in growing them as they grow wild in our garden. In fact it was a lack of effort on our part that caused them to grow; if we would have spent more time keeping the prickly brambles in check then we wouldn't be blessed with nearly as much fruit. Even so, I feel a certain pride as I sit here devouring them, as they grew in our garden!

My deliberate attempts at food-growing haven't been quite as successful. I have lots of triffid-like tomato plants in the garden, which do have a rather impressive crop of tomatoes, but they're showing no signs of going red. Some of them have been out for months, but they seem determined not to give up their deep green colour. Ironically, I also have a couple of plants which are still on the kitchen window-ledge that I didn't get round to planting outside, and the (very few) tomatoes on these plants have turned a very deep red colour and are ready for picking. These plants are straggly, yellow-leafed and extremely unhealthy-looking in every other way, but it's nice to have a few tomatoes that we can eat now. They always taste much better than the ones you buy in the shops.

I haven't grown anything else this year, but our next-door neighbours have got a nice apple tree, which fortunately for us has some branches that over-hang our garden. They look like they'll be ready to eat pretty soon!

Outside time

2008-07-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Looking at the title of this post, I realise it could read like some science fiction concept of being outside of time... I didn't mean it like that; I haven't figured out how to escape the contraints of time, which is a shame as it's just sooo hard to get out of the house these days with B.'s "leaving the house" tantrums.

It's not so much that she doesn't want to leave the house, but what she objects to is all the things she needs to do before going out; like having her nappy changed, getting dressed, and putting on shoes. Shoes are the worst thing. She runs away, screams "NO, GO AWAY!!!" and throws herself forward onto the chair waving her legs in the air so that I can't catch her feet. It's very dramatic and annoying, and it's almost as if the tantrums have become part of a new routine. I feel as if she's got so used to protesting about these things that she thinks it's just 'what one does'. Maybe she can't remember what it's like to get shoes on without screaming, perhaps she's even forgotten that this is possible!?

Once we finally left the house today we headed for our Friday toddler group. It's not very far, and B. decided to run all the way there. She looked so angelic and girly in her pretty summer dress, which was billowing out behind her (so different from her normal tomboy look!), and anyone who we encountered on the way directed admiring isn't she sweet and angelic? looks towards her. And she is very sweet most of the time, but if they could experience the full force of her tantums, they would not assume she is quite as angelic as she looks.

Toddler group was fun. There weren't too many people there as the weather was so glorious, and I assume that most people were making the most of it in the park. B. has made firm friends with another little girl, which is a bit of a novelty for her as most of her friends so far have been boys. Her mum and I have been watching this friendship develop over the last few weeks, and it's been really sweet. Today they stuck firmly together for the whole time we were there, making eachother giggle, and chatting about things that only two-year olds can appreciate or understand. They found an annoyingly loud musical toy that blasted out Christmas tunes, and both danced wildly in their pretty dresses.

After the group finished B.and her friend spent the next hour running around together in the gardens outside. It seems like a deep friendship!

After B.'s nap and some lunch we spent some more time outside, (hence the title). It was lovely in the garden. Although we attempt to tame it from time to time, the garden is rapidly growing wild again. The brambles are once again taking hold, clematis twines are winding themselves around anything they touch, and all sorts of new plants (and not just weeds!) are mysteriously erupting from the ground. It must be all the rain we've had this year that's making everything so fertile and green. And I think that it's looking rather beautiful.

Save our library!

2008-07-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

We rushed to leave the house this morning to get to the library in time for Storytime - only to find that it's been cancelled. Apparently it's not running throughout the summer holidays like it usually does, and it might also be reduced to once a month instead of every week!!

This is very frustrating, firstly because it's another one of our activities that will be closed for the next six weeks; both our Tuesday and Thursday morning activities will now be gone!

And longer-term, if they only run this activity once a month, not only will it be disappointing for those of us who usually attend, but people are bound to lose track of when it's on, or else sometimes not be able to make that particular day of the month, resulting in fewer people coming to each session; - and then the powers-that-be will argue that there's no demand for it! This is more or less what happened to our other library activity, Rhyme Time. At the moment Storytime has a good turnout, but apparently it's all a question of resources. Surely encouraging kids to read is quite a good use of library resources?

These are great activities, they're very educational and they're fun. I've seen a great improvement in B. since we've been going. At first there was no way that she'd sit still and listen to a whole story, but now she listens to all four of them, and she loves to shout out the answers to the librarian's questions, as well as join in the songs and create some lovely artwork in the drawing activity at the end. We love Storytime; it brings lots of children together in a fun learning environment. And it's free!!

There's some concern that reducing services such as this might be the the first step down the slippery slope to closing our library completely. It's a lovely little old library, serving quite a small area, which immediately places it in danger from those political creatures who take pleasure in shutting down local services (see Guardian article on library closures). And if these childrens' services are removed then this will probably further their dastardly plans...

I'm not usually much of a campaigner, but this is bringing out the activist in me. I'm planning on writing to head librarians, local councillors, and even Boris if necessary! I'm going to try to rally some other mums and see if we can help save Storytime!

The campaign starts here...

Photo credit: holoweb

My baby's growing up!

2008-07-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

We've been having a good week so far as the weather's been so lovely and sunny! Even though it's the middle of July I say this with some surprise, as it's been a very variable summer so far.

We've been spending lots of time in the garden, and although B.'s been falling off her slide quite a bit (!) she's been having lots of fun.

Yesterday her friend came round and they amused themselves by picking blackberries and stuffing them into eachothers' mouths. Then they strolled around the garden hand-in-hand, like the perfect little couple. Oh, the joys of being two and a half!

We also went to one of our regular toddler groups yesterday. They've recently introduced activity tables, and this week's activities were jigsaw puzzles and playdough. It's so nice when B. can engage in messy play somewhere other than in our house! Sadly, this was the last week before the summer break and this group closes down just like the schools do. What will we do on Tuesday mornings for the next six weeks?

After toddler group we visited our local pre-school. We'd applied for B. to start there next term, and they confirmed that she's got a place, which is good news. She's really ready for this; she's a bright and very sociable child and she's never happier than when she's playing with other children. What's more, each time we've visited the pre-school she's managed to somehow merge into the class and become one of them, even when I only popped in for a minute to hand in our form. I'd just turned my back for a moment, and then there she was, sitting on a little chair amongst the other children, waiting for snack-time! She was absolutely distraught when I tried to get her to leave, and wouldn't accept that we were just visiting.

All of this gives me confidence that she'll love it there and that she'll fit in well - and she's already been accepted by the other children, which is a good sign! And I know it's the right thing to do, but now it's definite that she has a place, I'm starting to get pangs of doubt...

She's been with me almost every day for the past two and a half years, (more, if you count the time that she spent inside of me!). She's been my constant companion; a small, entertaining and loveable companion, and I'll miss her and her funny little ways. Oh, I know it's only three mornings a week, but at the moment that seems like a big thing; it's the start of her school career, there's no going back - and it means that she's growing up! Well, you can see that starting pre-school is going to be much harder on me than on her, which, I suppose is how it should be...

In my more sensible, mature moments I tell myself that it's the right thing for both of us; she'll have fun with her friends, learn all sorts of new things, and have a riot; and I'll have some time on my hands.

Some people, who have been to my house, have suggested that I could usefully spend this time doing a little housework. But they're being mean! And to be honest, I'm not really a housework sort of woman! There are better things to do. And besides, I often feel the need to re-discover the part of my life that doesn't involve childcare, and for a while now I've been longing make some money again. I know that two and a half hours, three days a week won't give me a great opportunity to do this, but if I can find something to do from home then maybe it would be possible.

I should see this as an adventure for both of us. (And stop being so dramatic!)

Mamma Mia!

2008-07-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

First of all, I have to say that it was lovely to be in a cinema at all. It had been two years since I had set foot in one (to see Casino Royale). The last occasion had been a bit of a disaster as it was the first time I'd left B. with relatives and she'd spent most of the time screaming, so the film had been punctuated with the buzzing of panicky phone calls . This time though, knowing that she was having a very exciting day with daddy, I could sit back and relax.

That day, I probably would have enjoyed any film (well, apart from Van Helsing or While you were Sleeping, but maybe that's just me). Mamma Mia is a feel-good film, set in a gorgeous location, and carried along by an amazingly energetic, passionate and true performance by Meryl Streep, who gives it her all and carries the whole film. An unsympathetic view would be that this film is a series of modified ABBA songs glued together by what can loosely be termed a story. These are actually both my views, and I don't think that they're conflicting at all!

Meryl Streep is just wonderful, and who knew that she could sing so well? Her talents are obviously endless. Her character, Donna, is a strong, stubborn and likeable Amercian hotel owner who has spent most of her life living amongst the locals on a beautiful Greek island. She has a daughter, Sophie (played by Amanda Seyfried) who's about to be married. But before she ties the knot she'd really love to find out who her father is, so she looks in her mother's old diary and finds out that there are in fact, three possibilities. And these possibilities come in the form of Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth and Swedish actor Stellan Skarsgard.

Well, Donna's never known who the father is either, and when all three of these middle-aged charmers 'mysteriously' turn up in time for the wedding, she is flabbergasted to find her past come flooding back to her. She is helped through this rather confusing time by best pals Julie Walters and Christine Baranski.

What makes this a feel-good film are the lovely, fun friendships between Sophie and her friends and the parallel friendship between the older women. Both trios are clearly there for each other, and rather partial to getting drunk, having a good time and talking about sex! The music is great, although not all the singers are quite up to scratch (see below!), and it's amusing to hear how the words have been changed to suit the situations. This is obviously a funny film, and something I found particularly amusing was when the the locals, particularly the old Greek ladies, joined in all the musical fun. They're more sprightly than you'd think - must be all the olive oil!

What makes this a bad film is the story, which I felt was weak, and really just incidental to the film. It's just there to provide a platform for the songs, and so that some humourous scenarios can be built around it. I also had big problems with most of the cast.

Amanda Seyfried (Sophie) has a lovely, sweet singing voice and she's a very beautiful girl, but she's rather over the top in this. Although the film thrives on the energy and enthusiasm of its cast, for my delicate English sensibilities her over-enthusiasm and dramatic facial expressions make her less believable and a bit nauseating. But then at least she can act; Dominic Cooper who plays her fiance Sky, seems a little confused throughout the film, and I was surprised to learn from the IMDB that he's acted before. (Ooh, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. He seemed like a nice lad though!)

I was also disturbed throughout by two British actors who I thought were miscast. Pierce Brosnan, so good as an action superhero, is just painful to watch as this singing romantic hero. Meant to be the butch, manly lover who swept Donna off her feet, he just comes across as arrogant. And it is painful to hear and watch him sing, as it gives him this red, bulgy look around his face and throat which made me think he was going to be ill, or maybe explode! I kept willing him not to sing, but sadly he kept doing it.

Julie Walters, usually faultless and quite loveable in every role that she plays, seems totally out of place in this film. She's cast as Rosie, Donna's short, playful, and rather unfeminine British friend, (in contrast to Christine Baranski's Tanya, who is her tall, prim and 'feminine to the point of vampy', American friend!) I don't think this part suits her at all. It's not that she doesn't play it well, but surrounded by all the kitsch, the musical mayhem and the American over-the-top-ness, she just doesn't fit somehow. I thought that she herself appeared quite embarrassed at some of the things she found her character doing, and this all made for slightly uncomfortable viewing.

But despite my tearing apart certain aspects of the film, I still enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone who likes a good ABBA song. A Greek island is a nice place to escape to for an hour or so, and Meryl Streep makes it all worthwhile! I came out feeling happy and with an optimistic feeling in my heart.

So, an enjoyable film, (even though it's quite bad).

When I got home I was greeted by a very excited little girl, full of tales about trains, sandpits, grandparents and self-assembly furniture.

Photo credit: The Village Voice

A day off

2008-07-22T06:43:00.000-07:00

My first post is in fact about a rather atypical day when i wasn't at home with my little girl. This is an unusual occurrence and it felt very strange.

On Sunday my husband decided to take B. out for the day; visit the in-laws, go to the park, out for lunch, and then a nice trip to IKEA to round off the day. So I was left in the house by myself. It was very quiet...

I had a whole day to myself, and I didn't have a clue what to do with my time. I tried to think back to the sorts of things I liked doing before I had a child, but my mind was blank. So I started to walk around the neighbourhood waiting for inspiration to strike! It was a lovely day, so it would perhaps have been nice to go for a walk. But before I had time to properly process this thought the 221 bus came along, I saw this as a sign, and jumped on. I was heading for Wood Green.

Now Wood Green, for those who don't know it, is quite a good shopping centre, and a few years ago the thought of being let loose there for a whole day would have been a rather pleasurable one. But faced with a whole mall full of shops, and a high street full of even more shops, I was surprisingly uninspired. Shopping, what is that anyway? Shops just don't give me the same frisson of excitement that they used to. So I decided to go to the cinema instead, and I remembered that this was something that I liked to do before B. was born...

Not being very up-to-date with much that's going on in the world, I hadn't heard of any of the films other than Mamma Mia. And as I'd seen a nice interview with Meryl Streep on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, and I'm quite partial to the odd ABBA song, I decided to go and see it.